Are you preparing for your marriage? Many couples may scoff at this thought. They may reason that a successful marriage shouldn’t require “work.” But the truth is there are many reasons to study up on the qualities that make a relationship healthy and incorporate them into your new marriage.
You couldn’t become a lawyer or a musician without training or practice. Similarly, you can’t expect a flawless marriage unless you’re willing to put in the effort. All couples can benefit from pre-marital tips, no matter how long they’ve been together.
In order to have a successful marriage, you must be willing to give your time, heart, and forgiveness. Here are 10 tips to prepare newlyweds for a successful marriage.
1. Take A Premarital Class
A study published in the "Journal of Family Psychology" found that couples who chose to get tips through a counseling session or premarital class had a 31% higher success rate in their relationship than couples who did not attend a class or counseling session.
Premarital counseling is also great for couples who aren't confident in their communication skills. A counselor may help couples work through past issues and promote healthier problem-solving techniques. These are invaluable skills for a newly married couple to develop together.
2. Discuss Your Goals
Motivation is an excellent energy to possess in creating a successful marriage. One way you can stay motivated in your relationship is by setting goals.
Goals are a good thing to have no matter your marital status, age, or the amount of time you've been with your spouse. They ensure you're both always trying to better yourselves. Achieving and setting goals also gives you both something to look forward to and to work toward as a team.
3. Share Your Expectations
Discuss what type of marriage you want. It may sound silly but doing so can give you both a better idea of what your partner requires from you.
Talk to your spouse about what type of spouse you want to be and what your expectations are for the marriage. These should include matters of work and family planning, as well as your living situation and other financial matters.
4. Talk About Sex
One of the best premarital tips for a successful marriage is to talk openly about your sex life. Tell your partner how many times a week you would like to be intimate together. Discuss your sexual preferences and kinks in the bedroom. Being able to communicate openly about your intimate life will ensure you both have a satisfying sex life.
These preferences are not set in stone, of course, but they do open up a healthy dialogue about sexual intimacy with your partner.
5. Plan For Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy in a marriage. Discuss how you will make time for one another's emotional needs.
Some couples do this through a regular date night routine. This allows couples a chance to reconnect after a long week of work or caring for their children. Studies reveal that couples who have a regular date night also improve communication and are less stressed than couples who don't.
6. Discuss Family Planning
Starting a family is among the most important things you do together as a couple. But you must be on the same page about your family planning. Discuss honestly whether or not you wish to have children. If you do, talk about what timeline will work best for you both on an emotional and financial level.
If you are not ready for children or do not plan on having any, talk about what birth control methods you will use to stay protected.
7. Go Over Your Wedding Vows
Your wedding vows are more than just words.
Wedding vows reveal what you love most about one another and how you make each other better. They reveal your promise to one another to stick together through good and bad, to love and cherish one another, and to pledge to stay together no matter what happens.
Take some time together to go over what your vows truly mean to you. Even if you are using pre-written traditional wedding vows, going through them can reinvigorate your love and devotion to one another.
8. Create A Budget Together
One of the most important premarital tips you'll come across in counseling is to discuss your financial situation together. This may be awkward, but it is an important conversation to have.
Couples should discuss any debts they incurred before the marriage, whether they will share a bank account, and how much income they bring in monthly. Speak openly about your financial plans, such as saving for retirement or for a home together.
The sooner you learn to talk about finances, the less uncomfortable the topic will seem once you are married.
9. Take Your Friendship Seriously
Couples benefit from spending time together as friends. Set aside time together to pursue new hobbies or share your favorite interests. Not every outing you have has to be romantic.
One study found that shared activities between partners enhance marital satisfaction. Further research shows that couples who laugh together stay together longer than those who rarely share a chuckle.
Being friends with your partner opens up a world of opportunity for having fun together. You're able to do romantic activities as well as share new outings and hobbies together.
10. Banish Thoughts Of Divorce
Have you ever found yourself thinking: "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get divorced." This is a negative thought-process that should be avoided.
You should never threaten your partner with a divorce in the heat of an argument. Saying such a thing sets a mental precedent to give up on the relationship instead of working out your problems or striving to better your circumstances.
Make it your goal as a couple to banish the word divorce from your marital vocabulary. Knowing that a fight will not lead to threats of separation can create a humble, willing spirit in both partners.
Don’t go into your marriage feeling so confident that you fail to put in the effort of laying a solid foundation before saying your I do's. It takes work to create a successful marriage. It’s important to share expectations and create goals together. By following these premarital tips you’ll be able to talk openly about tough subjects and build a strong friendship with your partner that's better equiped to last a lifetime.