Post-breakup horniness is tough. Do you scout for a one night stand or hit reverse and try to have sex with your ex?
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you opted for the latter. The deed is done, but now that the high from your orgasm has worn off, you’re all wound up with emotion.
Why’d I do that?
Ugh, but it was so great.
I think he might still be in love with me.
There’s definitely a chance we’re getting back together.
Why hasn’t he answered my texts?
The cycle of emotions we go through after having sex with an ex isn’t very pretty—most of the time. Here’s the thing, you can’t beat yourself up over it. It happened, and now it’s about getting through the messy feelings. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a total setback.
The first to hit you is shame. You’re mad at yourself because you’re feeling all the feels. You keep badgering yourself with thoughts like “if you wouldn’t have had sex with him you wouldn’t be feeling this crappy right now.” The worst part is that you’re in the shame zone alone because you’re too embarrassed to let any of your friends know that you had sex with your ex. Sex with an ex can feel so lonely.
Once the shame settles in, you’re plagued with confusion. Suddenly you start analyzing every moment of intimacy you shared, looking for traces of evidence that a rekindling could happen. You’re rationalizing whether this romp in the bedroom is a sign you should be together.
Love (or maybe just lust)
You’re now dealing with an odd combination of feelings, love and a little lust. Your love for your ex is still very real and the sex you had takes you back to better times. But then again, it might just be lust because you haven’t had sex since you broke up. That physical chemistry sends you spinning. You’ve been burying this desire for awhile. You had a taste and now you want more.
Sex with an ex leaves you in the gray, a space filled with temporary excitement and long-lasting heartache. The thought that lingers and weighs heavy now is: I probably shouldn’t do that again.