Knowing whether it’s a good idea to get back together with your ex can be a tough decision to make. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this; sometimes it can work out and your relationship will flourish and other times, after the honeymoon high of being back together fades, old patterns start to resurface.
At the end of the day, getting back together is a decision. It’s one that can be undone, but it shouldn’t be taken lightly.
So instead of trying to figure out what the future holds (which is impossible!), here are some helpful questions to ask yourself right now to make the decision:
1) What was the core reason behind the breakup?
When you have strong feelings for someone, it’s easy to overlook those true reasons why the breakup happened in the first place. You might make excuses or force yourself to believe that the reasons weren’t actually that bad. Now is the time to be completely honest with yourself though. It can help to write this down too to really get clear. Was the overriding reason (or reasons) one that can be rebuilt on to make the relationship work a second time around? If it was a case of cheating for example, can you go back into the relationship 100% confident that you won’t feel insecure about it and do you have a plan for how to move forward as a couple?
2) Have you had time and distance away from each other?
Relationships can work a second time around but usually only if both people have spent time away from each other (and that also means no contact!) to work on themselves as individuals. This means that you both can come back with a new perspective and clear on what needs to be worked on from both sides to create the changes needed to make the relationship work. While you’re still in touch with your ex, it’s impossible to get this refreshed focus because they’re still a part of your life and mind-space. Your better judgement can get skewed in favor of heightened emotions.
3) Have you been here before?
Maybe this is a third, fourth or fifth attempt at getting back together. If so, chances are the same issues and patterns are cropping up over and over and aren’t getting resolved to move forward. Sadly, it’s likely that this relationship, although hard to let go, isn’t going to move in the direction you need it to unless something IS actually different. Is it? Is it significant enough to make a difference? The answer may not be what you want to hear, but it’s an important question to ask if you’re repeating history.
4) Is it what you really want or does it just feel safe?
Oftentimes, attachment to an ex is more about that feeling of familiarity and safety. Letting go of them can be much scarier than change and being without them. Will you meet anyone else? Will you live in regret? What if this time it would have worked? Really be honest with yourself on this one though. Tune into your inner knowing; your intuition. Letting go can be overwhelming but it’s far better and healthier in the long run than settling for crumbs of a relationship that always ends up causing you stress, hurt, anxiety or a lack of fulfillment.
We hope these questions help to make the decision a little easier. Also remember, this is about being true to yourself, tapping into and trusting your gut instinct. It’s about thinking of your needs and boundaries. Know that you’re worthy and you will find love, whatever you decide.