I happen to be going through a really painful breakup, so what better time to share my thoughts on healing a broken heart than when I am healing my own? It is so painful and so hurtful that it almost makes me pass out sometimes. And there is no easy solution to it all, at least none that I can see right now.
The old me would be watching movies or TV and generally avoiding it the best I could by going out to bars, hooking up with guys and drinking myself into oblivion. But I have lost interest in all forms of entertainment except books. And I don’t read for entertainment - it’s all study these days.
Being so heartbroken over the loss of my fiancé, I find myself scared of my own shadow. I can’t even watch any of the hundreds of videos we made together about spirituality without breaking down into huge heaving sobs. Though it seems like this is never going to end, I know it will. I just have to completely go through it. That’s the only way to truly get over something like this.
When horrible things happen that are beyond your control you just have to deal with them. So I’ve decided to truly feel every tiny little corner of my heart that is shattered. I'm allowing myself to just cry and cry until there are no more tears. I'm letting myself miss him so much I feel like my heart is just going leap out of my chest.
But the hardest part of all of this that I am also facing the fact that I will never see him again. The sooner I understand that it’s totally over I can move on. I can find love somewhere else.
So what was the point in this relationship? A friend reminded me that I had gone through something similar with my last long term relationship. Like my ex-fiancé, he also had an over-bearing and dominant figure in their life who saw me as a threat. And that relationship ended in a similar manner, but I never got to fully heal from it properly. It took years for me to get over that and, even then, there were still some wounds left flapping in the wind. So did all of this happen just so I could heal those old wounds properly?
And that definitely takes the sting out of things. I believe if you can quickly find the lesson in something (even if it’s not exactly true at the time) the much quicker your recovery will be.
I love you, man.