Why Are You Afraid Of Losing Him When He’s Not Afraid Of Losing You?

There was an instant connection. You laughed with so many, but with this one, it was different. Talking 5 minutes with him made you feel more alive than anything – and no label of what you officially were or weren’t could ever change that.

And he felt it, too. The way he looked at you, how tenderly he listened, the way he just got you.

But not too long into your magic, things started to turn. He started appreciating you less and less in a million different ways. He stopped appreciating your love, your connection, and all the ways you loved him. You felt it – you felt him slowly getting swayed as more people tried to get his attention. You felt him pushing you away. You felt him not really being afraid of losing you – because he knew that eventually, you would always take him back.

You never, ever have to feel like that.

Be with someone who is afraid of losing you – because without you, nothing is quite as beautiful. Be with someone who appreciates all of you. Be with someone who would never, ever risk losing what you have because they know that it comes once in a lifetime. Be with someone who recognizes extraordinary love, who sees you, all of you, someone who chooses you every single day.

Be with someone who you don’t just have intense eye contact with, because it’s not about how he looks at you, it’s not about how he touches you, it’s about how he shows you he cares, it’s about the decisions he makes every day. Like when you’re not there, when he feels on top of the world, when he can get anyone he wants but still chooses you. You deserve someone who knows what they have and would never feel the need to explore any ‘options’ because in their heart they know they don’t really have another option.

Someone who has you in their heart so much that they know that none of those “options” will ever truly satisfy him, make him feel inspired, alive or understood.

I know he made you feel something no else made you feel before. And he probably felt it, too. But I also know that someone who isn’t putting in the effort that you need from them, isn’t afraid of losing you. Someone who loves you hard and then pushes you away when you’re not convenient anymore, is not afraid to lose you. Someone who tells you beautiful, heartfelt things and promises but somehow always ends up breaking your heart, is not afraid of losing you.

So why are you afraid of losing him?

Be with someone who deserves all of you. Be with someone who would never risk losing you. Be with someone who executes his love – with actions, effort, patience – someone who appreciates you in a million little different ways. Someone who you frustrate the hell out of and then they stop to gaze at you because they think, this is the problem I want to have.

You had something special, and this is why you are so afraid to lose him. I know. But a real connection is never lost, and you should never, ever hold on to someone who only wants to be there when it’s good for him. You never, ever have to convince or inspire anyone to choose you, and you can’t lose a person who you never really had.

Wait for the guy who will get it. Wait for the guy who will do everything that it takes to be with you. Wait for the guy who thinks about you, listens to you, who takes his time to do things right. There will be that guy, a more extraordinary guy, and when you meet him, you will understand why it didn’t work out with the last one.

And above all, don’t ever be afraid to lose anyone who is not afraid to lose you.

Also, you may be interested in checking out: how to know when you’ve waited long enough for someone to commit, how to get over an ex and one of our most popular Love Is Like A Plant podcast episodes: what to do when someone won’t commit.

To The Girl Who Needs To Fall Back In Love With Herself

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ― John Lennon

You’re going to be more than okay.

It’s very normal to abandon yourself in a toxic love in the effort to keep the relationship. And that’s usually when we start to fall out of love with ourselves. When this happens we hand over our whole self-worth and significance to another person, and before we know it our mood and happiness becomes entirely dependent on them.

When that relationship ends we don’t know how to live, let alone how to be happy without them. The truth is you’re going to be more than okay – there is so much light and happiness ahead if you chose to let go, and fall back in love with yourself.

Stop fighting the old.

Don’t try to understand why the person did what they did. You can spend years analyzing and still never know. Why they did it is not important. What’s important is the right now. The new.

Trying to fight the old is a battle you will never win because your wasting all your energy that you can be using to build the new, to innovate the life you actually want to live.

Refuse to entertain your old pain.

The pain I felt when my ex betrayed me will always be a part of me because it shaped me and taught me much more than a happily ever after ever could.

Some love isn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, but instead can give you new life, a life that has more love than you have ever seen. Understand that some love is meant to change your life rather than give you someone to grow old with.

Learn to let go.

You cannot move forward with your life with one foot on the brakes. Sometimes we don’t want to let go of our pain because it’s the only thing still attaching us to our ex – let go of your pain and you let go of our ex, sometimes we’re not ready for that.

I held on to the hurt for a long time. But the energy it took to hang on to the past was holding me back from living my life fully. When your heart is broken open, new light gets in. Embrace it.


I know that heartbreak feels like a stab wound to the heart, but understand that someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. Forgive them. Someone’s past, their demons, whatever the reason is, some people are not ready for love and happiness and will push you away.

Understand that they haven’t done the work to be ready and you cannot convince or inspire anyone to do the work, you are only responsible for yourself.

Love them from afar.

When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely be there. But when your mood became entirely dependent on them, it becomes a toxic relationship and you lose the love for yourself. Don’t be frustrated if you still love them, just be sure to love them from afar.

Understand your worth.

The first step to falling back in love with yourself is understanding what you are and are not willing to compromise on. Never abandon yourself in the effort to keep someone or something.

Don’t regret anything.

Mistakes are inevitable in a life worth living. As long as you learn from them, mistakes are very important. They teach you exactly what you want and who you want to be.

Maybe you fought with your ex too much, maybe you argued with them at inopportune times. But your anger was fueled by your passion and emotions for them. You cared. You loved them. Don’t regret it.

All that pain and frustration shaped you.

You cried, you laughed, you were alive, and that changed your life. All that pain produced understandings that have created a new level of living.

You now have a chance to be happier than you have ever been before – you can realize everything that is holding you back and create a life that you want to live.

Learn to love your edges.

You loved your ex’s edges, all their roughness. Their imperfections were perfect to you. Why can’t you do that for yourself? There’s nothing you loved more than holding their hand and whispering words of reassurance in their ear, because you knew they weren’t broken, they were just bent. Do that for yourself. Love those gory bits, grow into your own wrongness.

Crave more from yourself.

You confronted your ex a lot. You craved more from them – you had opinions and big dreams for the future, you wanted the best for them.

You never let them get away with slacking on their talents – do the same for yourself. There is a more extraordinary love out there that you would never know if it didn’t end it with the last one. But the extraordinary has to start with you – fall back in love with yourself and let everybody else come searching for you.

If They Don’t Appreciate You By Now, They Never Will

When it’s good for them, they’re all about it. They’ll make plans to see you and even put in the effort that you need from them for phone calls and dates. They’ll surprise you with your favorite treat from the bakery downtown simply because and tell you things that send chills up your spine.

For a moment there, everything is perfect – exciting and comforting, peaceful and so satisfying. You’re in heaven; everything feels so right.

But like every other time before, your blissful reverie quickly turns sour. Things turn dark so fast that you don’t even have time to think, only to feel how hurt you are. And once again, you’re left in the exact same place as you were before: wondering how the hell you let this happen again, how you ended up exactly where you promised yourself you would never be again.

You curse yourself for falling for it again. You despise this toxic cycle, and you don’t know who you hate more – them, or yourself for allowing them to treat you this way.

You never, ever have to feel like that.

You go back because you care, you go back because you think this time will be different. You go back because you subconsciously think you have to prove something, win their heart, impress them. You think, if I just have a little more time, they will realize that I’m The One, that I’m one of a kind, that life isn’t the same without me, that no one can love them better.

No. You never, ever have to convince anyone to choose you, to see you, to appreciate you. If they don’t appreciate you by now, they are never going to appreciate you. And if they don’t appreciate you, you should never waste a moment of energy on them again.

You might like the challenge, you might like the thrill, the chase; you see someone who appears to be untamable and you want to be the one to tame them, you want to be the one they change for. But don’t forget that you are dealing with a person who will always teeter between two personalities, no matter who they are with. That other facet of their personality, the unstable one, it will always be there, and you will always be left second-guessing yourself, doubting how special you are, always needing to prove something. You don’t want that. You don’t need that.

Because someone who plays games isn’t sure about what they want, always loves themselves more and isn’t the person for you. I know you have special moments, and they feel it, too. I know you have a connection and I know that when they want to be, they are so sweet and caring, loyal, and unguarded. But that’s only on the days when it’s convenient for them.

Leave your life open for someone who deserves it. Someone who’s reliable and consistently good to you. Someone who still keeps you on your toes, but in the best possible way. Someone who from the first day you meet feels something special and can’t help but want to be next to you – on their worst days, on their best days, and everywhere in between. Someone who looks at you like you’re magic and wants to be tamed by you. Someone who lifts you up, and keeps lifting you up. Someone who will never stop appreciating you because they will never risk losing you.

I know you might feel lost right now. You might be scared. You might be terrified of letting them fully go, no matter how fed up you are. But I promise you, there’s so much more. That spark you feel isn’t worth the pain. Don’t ever be afraid to let go because you’re just making room for someone new, someone better. Real love. Someone who will appreciate you.

Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Nothing less than knowing, with all your heart, that they cherish you.

What It Feels Like When Someone Never Fully Chooses You

I spent too long getting hurt by you, a complicated man who stayed with me but never fully chose me.

You kept me in limbo. One day it was all love; the kissing, the staying up all night talking, my favorite breakfast in bed; the trips, and gifts, the being there, the words that made all my senses come to life. And most significantly, you made me feel like my heart was safe. But before long, you showed your other side. My blissful reverie was quickly shattered as you became distant and unsure.

As you made me feel safe enough to lower my shield; my heart was fully exposed to your darkness. The lies stung that much more. The broken promises left scars that much deeper. Your harsh words felt like poison. Actually, you did poison me. When you decided you needed space, you wouldn’t think twice about it. You wouldn’t hesitate to not reply, turn off your phone, leave me hanging. You would abandon me without a thought. You didn’t care about how many tears I cried.

You drove me down the darkest of paths as I would stay up all night wondering what you were feeling, what you were doing, and if there was someone you liked more.

You left me knowing true heartache and pain that ran through my entire body, to my heart, up to my head, where traces of it leaked out through my eyes. I was forced to taste my pain over and over again.

And when you decided you needed me again, because I was the only person who understood you, you wouldn’t think twice about showing me your “good” side. You wouldn’t stop calling and writing. You spoke sweet words of reassurance knowing it would make my heart melt. “I need you,” you said, “I can’t live without you.” And so you pulled me back in.

You knew I loved your wrongness, all those parts of you that you hate. I wiped your tears away as you spoke about your dad, I kissed your edges, I loved all your roughness. You only showed those parts of yourself to me because you knew I loved all of you. I always tried to make you a better man. And for a while, I did. But your other side always seemed to win.

And so you used my heart and my love. And I took your abuse for far too long.

But rest assured that the last time you hurt me was the final time. When I told you goodbye, just know that I meant it.

Yeah, don’t think I don’t know about those girls you contacted. I felt when you would wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love you better. You’re going to say it didn’t mean anything – yeah, I know that already, too.

Then you’re going to say that you did it for validation; it was your ego, or because you’re broken, or scared, or whatever twisted excuse you have to justify it.

But the bottom line is, I don’t care what the reason was. I’m done hearing your excuses. And yeah, maybe you are broken. Maybe you are scared. But guess what, even when you broke me I never betrayed you. We’re all scared in some way. But when you love someone, you don’t do things that will hurt them, period.

I know you’re full of regret. I know you’ll be all, “but baby I love you so much, I can’t live without you.” Maybe you should have thought about that, about me, the girl who you claim to love when you were going behind my back, breaking promises, lying, shutting me out.

You’re going to say that our connection is once in a lifetime. You’re going to say that you know in your heart you will never give all of you like that to anyone else. I know that already. But baby your talk is so cheap. Your promises mean nothing to me and neither do your intentions. It’s always the same old tune with you. I take you back, you’re amazing for a while, then you hurt me all over again.

I know in the end you are the one who will suffer the most, but I can’t pick up the pieces anymore. I gave you too many chances to count. And now, even though I loved you with every fiber of my being, even though it breaks my heart, I need to say goodbye.

I can’t believe it took me so long to realize this but, you simply don’t deserve me.

For Those Of You Who Never Got Your Closure

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all your tears, your pain, that agonizing pain that almost broke you. I’m sorry that they made you question your worth. No one should make you feel like that. I’m sorry for their compulsive need to put you down and control you. I’m sorry that they used you to feel good about themselves, spun you around in their manipulation, and you started to question yourself, like maybe somehow you were responsible for what happened.

I’m sorry for all those sleepless nights where you heartbrokenly asked, “Why?”

I’m sorry you never got the apology that you so undeniably deserve.

I know you’re looking for answers, for a reason why the person did what they did. I know you can’t understand it because you could never treat anyone like that, let alone the person that you love. “Maybe they didn’t love me,” you started to think. But you have to understand that when you’re dealing with a broken person, there is no logic. You also have to understand that when you’re dealing with a selfish person, their needs will always come first.

Why they did it is not important. Don’t even try to understand why they did what they did. You can spend years analyzing and still never know. They probably don’t even know themselves why they did it.

And suppose that they did say everything that you want to hear, would that really change anything? Would that change what they did, the person that they are, and likely will always be?

The real closure is knowing that what’s important is the right now. The new. Trying to fight the old is a battle you will never win because you’re wasting all your energy that can be used to build the new, to innovate the life you actually want to live. The energy it’s taking to hang on to the past is holding you back from living your life fully.

No, you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of it. But the closure that you need lies in the truth, the truth about what you do deserve. You deserve someone who thinks about you, about your needs, and not just on the days when it’s good for them or when you’re convenient. You deserve someone who shows you that they care, someone who wants to be there through everything. Someone who knows that even though you’re so strong and can make it on your own, they want to fight your battles with you, because you are a part of them and they wouldn’t want it any other way.

Don’t ever spend time thinking about a person who doesn’t think about you. Don’t ever search for answers and an apology from a person who’s too broken or narcissistic to give them to you in the first place. You don’t want a person like that and you don’t want that in your life. Don’t ever look back with regrets because everything happens for a reason and it’s made you, you.

I know you loved them. I know how much it hurts. I know that your connection isn’t easily forgotten. But I also know that there is a more extraordinary love out there, a love that will never break you, a love that you would never know if it didn’t end with the last one. But love has to start with you. It has to start with you realizing that no one should make you feel like you have to compete for their attention and earn their love. It has to start with you realizing that you deserve so much better. And when they do decide to come back to you, and they will, you have to be strong enough to not get sucked back in.

There will be someone who will give you everything that you deserve, and you will be finally, finally free to receive that.

Twelve Signs You’re Doing Much Better Than You Think You Are

We all have those introspective moments of doubt as we open social media and see what seems to be everyone living their life to the fullest.

An engagement here, a new job there, everyone seems to be traveling to hidden gems of the world having the time of their life while you just took a Buzzfeed Quiz about what kind of tree you are.

It’s so easy to get caught up in your own head and believe you’re behind where you’re supposed to be for your age or that a single mistake is the end of the world. The truth is, we all compare, but we don’t realize that everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.

Here are some signs that you’re actually doing much better than you think:

1. You loved someone with all your heart, and they pushed you away. Someone who loves you hard and then pushes you away when you’re not convenient anymore, is not afraid to lose you. You don’t need that. You don’t want that. You’re lucky that this person is no longer a part of your life because you opened yourself up for someone new, someone better, a more extraordinary love, someone who deserves you.

2. You are not worried about where your next meal is coming from. We’ve become so used to comparing, but for some reason we don’t compare our lives to the billions who don’t even have the basic necessities. Remember that everything you have, someone else, somewhere, is praying for just that.

3. Your ego has been really hurt. In the words of Jillian Michaels, “A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul.”

4. You’ve “failed” at something. You know what real failure is? Not ever taking any risks to protect yourself from failure – there is no failure, when one door closes another door always opens. If you open your eyes, you will see the next door that opens is a better door.

5. Your relationship is shit. Relationships take hard work and…just kidding. You’re still young and there are about 7,159,894,536 people in the world. If your relationship is shit say you’re going out for cigarettes, never come back and start over.

6. You have one or two friends that are your family. With so many people who suck, finding someone who feels and treats you like family is truly the biggest gift, even if they might drive you crazy from time to time. (Hey that’s family).

7. You have your own space. Even if this just amounts to one room that feels like a closet in a shared apartment, it’s your space where you can do whatever you damn please. Yeah, this might sound basic, but it’s so much more important and empowering that you realize.

8. You spent too much money on the things you love and now you have no savings. The worst thing you can do is become so obsessed with saving money that you forget to invest in the life that’s quickly passing you.

9. You question yourself and doubt your life – you feel miserable some days. This means you’re still open to growth and change. You’re lost because you know that there is much more inside of you than what you’re currently offering the world. Being lost keeps you hungry and it keeps you moving forward. Constantly wondering and questioning is a sign of intelligence. Have you noticed how it’s always the idiots that are so sure about every damn thing they are doing in their lives?

10. You didn’t take them back. You’ve recognized the toxic people in your life and refuse to take them back no matter how much you love them and they might love you. That takes so much strength. By not taking them back, you are fully opening yourself up to everything life has to offer.

11. You’re single. You could have easily stayed in any of your past relationships – but you refuse to settle. Life isn’t about finding someone, it’s about not settling for the wrong one.

12. You’re working toward a goal. Even if you’re exhausted and it feels miles away, the most important thing is you’re doing something for you and you’ve stopped giving other people control over your happiness.

When You Can’t Let Them Go, But You Can’t Take Them Back

That’s the worst isn’t it – when you find a person in this life who just gets you so completely, not a day goes by that this person doesn’t cross your mind and your soul feels alive, but for whatever reason, you can’t take them back?

Maybe they did something you can’t forgive. Maybe you’ve tried to forgive but you just couldn’t forget. Maybe it got too toxic, too difficult. Maybe the timing was just always off. Maybe you were both just too young, too stubborn, too complicated.

Maybe before you even knew what was happening, it happened all at once – fireworks combusting, leaving you both burned and confused.

Whatever the reason was, they hurt you badly. They shattered your trust. You’re still so angry and you can still feel that excruciating pain in your chest and in your throat, the kind that leaves your whole heart, soul and body aching. You don’t want to think about it. You want to move on. And you’ve tried – you’ve gotten close to people, you’ve liked them so much. You’ve met so many amazing, beautiful people, people that aren’t toxic for you, people that would never hurt you, people that truly love you…

And you’ve gotten so close to moving on, but for some reason, something is always off…

You can’t understand why that one person, with all their flaws and edges and demons, has captured your heart so profoundly that you can’t seem to let go. You can’t understand why a person who’s so imperfect made you feel something so perfect, something no one else made you feel before.

Yeah, you’ve heard it all: You cannot move forward with your life with one foot on the brakes. People don’t change. Everything happens for a reason. You get it. You know. You know when someone is selfish, when someone has destroyed you and your happiness once – they will always, always do it again. And so you keep living your life, knowing you can’t them back, but also knowing you can’t let them go.

Knowing that there’s that one person out there in this crazy life who you connected with so strongly and so genuinely. A person who will talk to you till the sun comes up, who will hold your hand when it’s damp, because you get nervous when you get vulnerable. A person who will wipe your tears away as your walls come down that you spent years crafting. A person who you didn’t just hang out with, but played. Like two little kids again seeing the world for the first time; and all your fears were gone.

But the same person who multiplied all the good in life, was also the same person who almost broke you. So you keep living, keep moving, never stopping, never wanting to admit that when they left, you lost a part of yourself, too.

Chances are, you both have scars that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. Not that you regret any of it. Because meeting them, has changed you forever, and it’s made you, you.

What To Do When You Doubt Whether It’s Really Over

This time it’s different. Yeah, you’ve said that before. But you’ve finally reached your breaking point. That’s the difference. Something happened that has made you say: screw ‘em and all their darkness. I can’t do this anymore. My happiness will no longer be destroyed.

It’s like something shifted in your heart and you just know, with every fiber of your being, that this is the end. You’re sad – but surprisingly you’re mostly relieved. You know that you can’t keep wanting something that you aren’t getting, and most likely will never get. You know that you can’t keep breaking yourself for this relationship.

So you breakup. And you live. You start to move on with your life. You keep yourself busy. At first it’s all pretty exciting. It’s kinda amazing, actually. You’re finally living your life for you. The single life. No drama. No bullshit. No fights. No sleepless nights wondering what they are doing and with who. No one lifting you up only to destroy you two days later. No tear stained pillow cases from unanswered texts and calls. No depression and anxiety from feeling the person you love with all your heart stop choosing you, abandoning you.

No. Instead there are new romances with no pain. It’s all exciting. Light. Wow, you think to yourself, so relationships can be fun and easy… For the first time in a long time, you feel free. There’s no one pulling on your heart-strings, sucking your emotions dry. You feel like breaking up for good was the best decision you’ve ever made in your life.

Until it ebbs.

The new person you’re dating is beautiful, amazing. But something is off. You can’t really put your finger on it. All you know is the feeling is not the same. Ironically, you did everything to run away from your ex but somehow all the decisions you’ve made brought you right back to them. And you’re right there where you’ve started. Missing them like crazy, wondering if anyone else could have ever compare to (fill in the blank with your person). Wondering if anyone could give you the feeling that they gave you.

But most of all, the breakup will hit you the most when you’re sharing a moment with a new person, and everything is perfect, but all you can think about is them.

The truth about starting over is that breaking up and moving on is the easy part. It’s staying moved on that will be difficult. It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. Numbers will be blocked. Pictures will be deleted. And while they may not exist in the world of social media, they’ll live within your heart. And that is the truth you have to face.

For a moment there, you’ll forget about all the pain they caused you. You’ll forget about the sleepless nights and shouting matches until you had no energy left. All you’ll think about is how your soul was alive and how they looked at you and saw all of you. All you’ll think about is taking them back, giving it just one more chance.

But here’s also the reality of starting over. You’re doing it for a reason. You’re doing it because, deep down, you know you fought for it with everything you had, but it just wasn’t working. You tried everything. You know that there is no logical solution to working out your differences. And you know that in the long run, if you want to be happy, you have to let go.

The truth about starting over is that it is the best thing you will ever do. But it will also be the hardest thing. You will ebb and flow between missing them so much that your whole body aches and feeling completely fine. But you have to remain strong. You can forgive, but you can never forget. Because when someone makes you fall out of love with yourself once, they will always, always do it again. So when you come to the place of missing them, of wanting to give them another chance, remember that. Remember all the pain, frustration, and anger. Remember what they put you through. Remember how they always put themselves first, and that they always will.

The truth is you’re going to be more than okay – there is so much light and happiness ahead if you choose to let go, and fall back in love with yourself.

You broke up for a reason. Trust yourself and trust that. Trust that everything is going to be okay. And trust me when I say that, this is the best thing you ever did for yourself. Just give yourself time. Give yourself patience, and most importantly, give yourself love – there is no one holding you back now. You now have a chance to be happier than you have ever been before, but it’s up to you to see that.

When They Come Back to You, Please Don’t Take Them Back

It will be amazing at first. A rush of emotions, a sense of peace and satisfaction – all at the same time. They will give you a feeling that no one else could so far. All your senses will come to life. Your soul will feel alive again – like a little kid again seeing the world for the first time.

For the first time in a very long time, you will feel whole. You’ll feel like life makes sense again.

But before you know what is happening, it will happen all at once – that other facet of their personality, the one that almost broke you, it will show up. It will always show up. It will leave you confused, burnt, and worst of all, worst of all it will make you feel trapped, angry at yourself for allowing this to happen again. You never, ever have to feel like that.

Please, don’t forget about all the nights you cried till you had no tears left. Don’t ever forget about why you broke up. Don’t forget about how they spun you around in their toxicity and drowned you in all their issues.

Don’t ever forget about that pain, that excruciating pain they caused that left you so torn that you felt helpless. Don’t ever forget that someone who cares about, loves you, will never ever do anything to hurt you. And say they do love you, say they do care, then that is even worse. That means they will always love themselves more. That means that they still haven’t worked out their issues and until they have, you will always be their emotional punching bag.

They will always use you to feel good because you are amazing and strong and they know you love them so much – they know you will always take them back.

When they left, you knew somewhere in your heart that it was actually the most positive thing. You knew subconsciously that you were lucky that this person was no longer a part of your life because you opened yourself up for someone new, someone better, a more extraordinary love, someone who deserves you. Someone who always lifts you up, and not just on the days when they’re in a good mood, when it’s convenient for them.

You deserve someone who doesn’t give you internal conflicts. Someone who never leaves when things get hard, when life becomes complicated when you’re lost and confused and aren’t sure of what to do next. Someone who never leaves when you get caught in the rain, someone who never gets swayed no matter how many people are trying to get their attention because in their heart they know that what they have with you comes once in a lifetime.

I know you love them, and I know that they may have even lifted you up when you were doubting yourself. I know they were your best friend. I know that you told them all about your past, about all the people that hurt you. About all the things you did that you’re ashamed of, all the things you don’t like about yourself, all the things that make you, you – and they wiped away your tears and kissed those parts of yourself that you’ve never shown to anyone.

They loved your heart and this is why it’s so hard not to take them back. You had something special, and that connection will always be there. I know.

But I also know that they wanted things their way – that when you started to challenge them, that’s when the problems started. I know that after all was said and done, they left you broken. I know that you broke up for a reason. I know about all the pain they caused you, about all the lies and all the times you hated yourself for putting up with their toxicity.

So when they come back, and they will, please remember all of this. Because I promise you when someone is selfish, when someone has destroyed you and your happiness once, they will always, always do it again.

Leave your life open for a love that you deserve – I promise you, it’s out there.

Also, why we’re quick to forgive our exes, why a true partner will weather the storm with you, and 4 questions you should ask yourself if an ex wants to get back together.

Remember that if they don’t appreciate you by now, they might never appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated.