Coach + Writer Liz DiAlto Shares the Best Love Advice She's Received


Liz helps women get out of their heads and into their bodies so that they can connect with their powerful energy and trust their intuition. Known for her raw and honest approach to body love and self-acceptance, Liz is a speaker, writer, coach and the creator of Wild Soul Movement, a sensual practice in self-discovery that combines movement, mantra, and meditation. You can follow her on Instagram @lizdialto.

“My most recent breakup was in 2013. It was one of those relationships that picked me up where I was and dropped me off where I need to be for the next relationship. We just were not a great romantic fit and the relationship ran its course. We were such good friends before the relationship and it was sad to know this relationship was over and more than likely this friendship was over as well. But the break was clearly so perfect because within weeks we had both met our next partners and he is now engaged to his and I am now living with mine. We worked through a certain number of things, got to where we needed to be, and went our separate ways.”

“Prior to this last breakup my policy would always be unfriend, delete all pictures, block. I don’t want to see anything. Sometimes you really just need a clean break so you can move on and mend your own heart. That can be hard if you’re watching them move on and looking at Facebook pictures and seeing how great they are doing. This last one was difficult because we had so many mutual friends. I couldn’t unfriend everyone because some of these mutual people were still my really good friends. Now, because of social media, sometimes breakups are more painful than a death or some other kind of loss because you get to watch this other person’s life go on without you in it anymore. And a lot of us just don’t have the discipline not to do that. We make comparisons and we make assumptions. We don’t know. And we make ourselves nuts imagining things that aren’t even true.”

“The first is always going to be people. It’s not appropriate to take all of our issues to all of the various people in our lives. We know which people to go to, and if you don’t, it is a really valuable practice to take stock of who is great to talk to about relationship stuff. Another thing is any kind of outlet that allows me to move my emotions through my body and not let them get stuck. Everyone is different and I’m different from time to time. Sometimes it might be journaling, sometimes it might be making an epic playlist and dancing it out - sweating it out. Maybe it’s just going for a walk and being in nature or maybe it’s some other kind of workout. But typically it is some kind of movement or expression to get the feelings out so they don’t just get stuck and drive me crazy.”

“I just let myself feel the feelings. This is actually something I learned to be so effective during my last breakup because often times breakup advice that people will give - which I think is really stupid - is to distract yourself. Then you don’t actually process the feeling and you don’t go through the full range of emotions, and all that means is that at some point later on you’ll have to deal with it somewhere. So there is such value in letting yourself feel the feelings - letting yourself feel shitty, but continuing to love and accept yourself even in those dark moments. It’s just not possible to start being okay right away unless you were over that person already. There is going to be some stuff to work through.”

“I’ll just call it for what it is: emotional eating. Plenty of us, maybe not intentionally, are raised with this really terrible relationship to food as comfort. And it comes from loving family members who say, “Oh hey honey let me get you a cookie, you’ll feel better.” But then you believe that and it becomes a pattern. We comfort eat or we emotionally eat and in most cases it doesn’t make us feel better. It actually prevents us from feeling our feelings or access our rational brain or mind and we end up feeling worse for it. This is something I used to do that I have gotten well beyond.”

“I studied Reiki and so I have a lot of practices around taking my energy back. Some people might dig this and some people might be like ‘I don’t believe in that woo-woo nonsense’ and that’s cool. I will use either sage or palo santo and I will burn it to clear the space. I open a door or window and imagine that the smoke of the sage or palo santo is taking any energy that you don’t want and leaving as it finds its way out the door or out the window. You could do it as a prayer or you could just do it as a mantra or affirmation to call your own energy and love back to you. Whenever you break up with someone, as much as it hurts there is also a moment of realizing ‘Wow, look at all this energy I have for me because I’m not putting it into this relationship anymore.’”

“I have a forgiveness practice – it’s a great way again to go through any energetic cords, any blame, shame or bad memories and clear out all the energy so that you can move on. Something I want to be clear about here: forgiveness doesn’t mean that we are saying to the other person ‘what you did was okay.’ It just means we are saying to the situation or the person ‘I am no longer willing to give my power away.’ So that’s what I mean when I say clearing out the energy and taking your power back.”

“No two people other than the two people in the relationship will ever fully and completely understand the situation. I think that’s really valuable because during these times of heartbreak a lot of people will chime in and have words of encouragement and they don’t all feel good. And some of your friends might just be loyal and say, ‘fuck that guy, if I ever see him I’m going to punch him in the face.’ That’s not necessarily helpful. It’s lovely to know that your friends are on your side but people don’t always get it. Just know that everyone means well but they will likely never fully understand your situation. The other is a Rumi quote that really connects with my last relationship. I actually call my last break up the break open because of this quote: ‘You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.’ Every time my heart breaks I’m actually more open to new, different, better types of love in the future.”

“I prefer music that is going to pull me out of the shitty mood rather than keep me in it: Superwoman and Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys. Uprising by Muse. Existence by Shylah Ray Sunshine.”

“There’s a Byron Katie quote that everything happens for you not to you. That belief makes it really easy to ask the question “why is this happening?” or “why did this happen to me?” and learn from it as opposed to being a victim of it. So I can either take the experience and learn from it and completely love, appreciate and accept myself as I go through it or I can let it ruin future situations. Why would I do that? Why would I let something that happened in the past affect what’s going to happen in the future? I also have a belief that every relationship is going to be better and better and better until eventually I find the one if that even exists. So I have always had the belief that the next one will be better if there is a next one.”

“Any energy that you would consider taking and putting towards your ex - hating them, being mad at them, whatever - just do your very best to love the hell out of yourself during the process of moving on. You need your energy and you need your own love more than anyone else does.”

Photographed by Josh McMurtrie.