I cheated on you because I wasn't satisfied sexually.
The words flashed across my screen and I read them over and over with tear-filled eyes. It was 4 AM on a Wednesday and I was trying hard to suppress my sobs so I wouldn't wake my sister, who was sleeping just a few feet away. I immediately blocked the number and shoved the phone under my pillow, not knowing how to feel or what to do. I knew he didn't mean it but that didn't make his words hurt any less.
Part of me wanted to retaliate. I wanted to unblock the number and let out an endless string of profanities. I wanted to hurt him just as much as he hurt me. 'Surely, it would be justified,' I thought, 'considering what he just said.' But something stopped me.
You're better than this. Hurting him will not make you hurt any less.
I heard these words somewhere deep inside me and I suddenly felt very calm. God was speaking to me. It was always in my darkest times that I could hear His voice the clearest and I knew it was time for me to listen. I pulled my phone back out and unblocked the number to send one last message.
I know you're hurting and you think that hurting me will make you feel better, but it won't. I'm sending you all my love.
Send. Settings. Block this contact.
After that, I said a prayer for him. I asked God to help him become less bitter and angry and find what he needs to feel better. Then, I said a prayer for myself. I asked God to guide me and help me to be patient. I asked Him to help me understand my situation and the people around me so that I can see their point of view before lashing out at them. And then I asked God for a sign that He was listening to me and that everything would be okay. I fell asleep almost immediately then and actually woke up the next morning feeling a lot lighter because I remembered that I had put myself in God's hands.
Today is going to be a good day.
I busied myself with work and errands until it was time for me to head out to my best friend's show, which I promised him I'd go see. I was feeling particularly proud of my overall appearance and decided to snap a quick picture in the car (as one does when having a good hair day). After the show, I took my phone out to look at the picture I'd taken earlier and couldn't help but smile. How did I not see this before?!
Streaming in from the window was a rainbow of light, despite the fact that LA hadn't seen rain in months. I knew it was the sign I'd asked for. It was God's way of telling me that beautiful things come after storms and that He hears our prayers when we take the time to say them. Oftentimes, however, we forget to listen when He responds. Although I usually try to keep my beliefs to myself, I've always stood strong in my faith. On the days when I feel most defeated, I look at this picture and find comfort in knowing that I am never alone.
Looking back, I am no longer angry about the things he said. I am a stronger person because of the pain I've been through and I thank God for helping me move forward. I've learned that you cannot fix a hateful heart by feeding it more hate. All you can do is show it love and hope it learns.