You can look at a breakup as the end or the beginning. But no matter which route you take, the initial heartbreak feels like it will never end. It traps you and consumes you. It’s not something you “just get over.” In fact, it takes real effort to work through the motions of a heartbreak.
There’s nothing more frustrating than venting to a friend about all of the pain you feel, only to hear, “you’ll be fine, time heals all wounds.” Time isn’t the end all be all to getting over a breakup. Your hurt is valid. Research shows that love is like a drug, and the loss of it can cause withdrawal. So how do you get through the withdrawal and come out on the other side?
Allow yourself to express your feelings. Ignoring your broken heart won’t take the pain away. Get in your feelings, but attempt to do so in a structured manner. Give yourself a dedicated time to let it all out. You can do this while completing your daily Mend, where you journal and listen to audio trainings that will guide you as you cope with your current emotions. Take time at the end of the day to sit quietly in a corner of your home and journal your way through the tears. The key is to avoid entering a 24/7 state of despair. Give your feelings the time they deserve, but don’t allow them to control the productivity of your day.
This is also a good time to rid yourself of your ex, whether literally or metaphorically. Cut the communication and clear your space of things that hold memories with them. In her video on how to get over a breakup, Christine Hassler, a life coach, author, and speaker, suggests that you allow at least six months without communication. This gives you the space you need to work through the heartbreak and identify what the future looks like for you.
Those might seem like the hardest challenges to overcome, but honestly, there is no easy part of heartbreak. It’s debilitating. There’s no timeline for when the pain will pass. We wouldn’t be doing you a service if we told you that in three months you’ll feel full of joy again. Every breakup is unique, every heartbreak is individual. And while our advice, audio trainings, and community of Menders are here to help you with the “how” to mend after a breakup, there’s no one size fit all.
Happiness might feel far away for a long time, but the hope is rooted in what you can control. Take hold of your own journey, do the work. And ignore the claims that it’s “not the end of the world.” Your journey is individual, as is your heartbreak. Feel the feels, and only get over it when you’re ready to.