You probably clicked this article hoping to find the magic pill for getting over your ex. Maybe you were together for years, maybe just a few months, but either way, it has ended and you find yourself completely lost. You have no idea how to move forward. You can barely process that the relationship is over and now you have to figure out how to get over your ex. We’ve been there. And the first thing I’ll say is, the magic pill doesn’t exist.
Your feelings, however complicated, confusing, frustrating, or sad they may be, are valid. They matter and tending to them is the first order of business. At Mend, we’re all about doing the work, which is why I’m going to share some steps to take post-breakup that will help you get on the mend.
One thing we make sure to stress is that everyone’s journey is unique. These tips aren’t intended to be milestones to reach by certain time frames. They are just tools to have in your pocket as you mend your broken heart, no matter how long that takes.
Now, if you’re ready to do the work, here are some tips to help you get over your ex.
Let it out.
After a breakup it can be tempting to throw yourself full throttle into activities that will keep you busy enough that you won’t have to deal with your emotions. By doing this you’re only prolonging the suffering. You need to let yourself mourn the breakup. There is nothing wrong with crying it out. By acknowledging your emotions you can deal with them in the moment so that you can eventually release them. If you mask the hurt by hiding away your real feelings means you’re carrying those feelings with you the whole time and you’re never really letting go.
This one is undoubtedly the most challenging, especially when you’re used to talking to your ex as part of your everyday routine. Cutting contact is about more than avoiding getting looped back into a relationship with your ex. Sarah McLaughlin, a San Francisco-based therapist specializing in women's mental health, shared with us that she believes in space post-breakup. In her #howimend interview, she shared that she’s even gone no contact for years with some exes. That time with no contact allows you to sort through your feelings without the influence of your ex’s presence in your life.
Lean on a support system.
Now more than ever you need the love and support of your family and friends. Don’t go through this alone, your loved ones want to see you happy and if they know they can support you in any way, they’ll do it. You also have Mend! Our audio trainings will always be there to get your through your current emotions and we’ll give you the space to vent through a daily journal practice. You can also join Mender’s Club, our private Facebook group where our community of Menders support each other through heartbreak.
Freshen up your space.
First, you’ll want to clear out anything that reminds you of your ex. Then take the time to truly make your home your sanctuary. Use these hygge tips to cozy up your home post-breakup. You will instantly feel more at ease.
Find some healthy habits.
Whether it’s Barry’s Bootcamp class or an at-home yoga routine, you’ll want to start adding activities to your routine that will be good for you. This isn’t about getting a revenge body, it’s about taking care of yourself because true healing only happens when you prioritize yourself. Plus, the release of endorphins you get from a workout will definitely elevate your mood.
Take time with nature.
Something as simple as taking your dog for a walk at a local park or sitting near the ocean can do wonders for your mood. Nature has a way of healing us. Researchers studied its effects by having a group stare at an image of natural scenery and the control group look at a concrete roof. Only 40 seconds of staring at the natural scenery triggered their brains into a more relaxed state. Put the digital devices down for a bit and just enjoy some fresh air.
Remember, mending a broken heart has no defined timeline. Do the work at your own pace, and never forget that Mend is always here to help you on your journey.