#howimend: Blogger Shanice Bannis On Regaining Independence Post-Breakup



Shanice-big


By Kate Paguinto



Shanice Bannis is the voice behind DIY and lifestyle blog City of Creative Dreams. She is a single parent to one and a believer of living out her dreams, one journey and one craft at a time.

We asked Shanice a few questions about heartbreak and she opened up about her struggle with losing herself in relationships.

If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?

"I would tell the younger version of myself to get to know yourself, know what you want in a relationship, be realistic with what you want and don't settle for less. When you are young you trust easily, forgive easily and you accept things easily that when looking back you would never tolerate."

What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?

"My break up taught me that I tend to forget about myself. I forgot about doing things for myself, I forgot to be independent. I have to remember to rely on me again and to build myself up.

"Also, don't think people can change or that you can help them to change. People change on their own and you can't hold life waiting for someone to change for you."

Ig37

What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?

"I listen to music and I write. I listen to something that touches on how I feel at that moment. Strong booty shaking music for when I feel like I don't need a man and I can do anything. Softer, lyric-focused music that touches the soul and sings what I feel.

"Then I write, or I guess I should say type. There is something powerful in words. I have been a lover of writing since I was young, so it's something that is natural to me. I like to write from the heart, expose every emotion, every thought, until I have nothing left to say. Then I leave it there to look back on it on a rainy day and see how much stronger I am now from that point."

Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?

"Ooh, I would have to say texting is my vice. I have trouble not texting since my ex is also my friend. It's hard to break that cycle of always communicating to no longer blowing up our phones."

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?

"Love is a privilege. It is magical in the moment and it's amazing until it's not. I have to say I wasn't prepared to accept that love was unpredictable. I wanted it all! It is a powerful feeling but if you are not with someone who loves you at the same level, it doesn't survive. That's my biggest lesson from it."

Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?

"I used to think exes can be friends. After having a breakup recently, I have changed my mind. It all depends on the situation on how things broke up in the first place. If I have strong feelings and my ex doesn't, then I can't be his friend. I can't act like I am not in love with my ex so it is better to rip off the bandage. Maybe after a couple of years...when my heart has healed over and I have moved on, then we can try, but it will never be close.

"As for social media... I don't see the harm in having the ex on your pages. I personally don't go on as much so I am not exposing anything I don't want my ex to see. So yeah, I am fine with it. No harm in snooping, haha."

What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?

"I like to think certain things happen for a reason. Heartbreak hurts but it makes you stronger as a person...gives you a few experiences and notches on your belt in life. It also prepares you to find the right person after. You now know what you want and most importantly what you deserve. We all make mistakes. We aren't perfect. So what if I didn't find the right person this time? Next time I will. I don't want to force it to happen. I'm just going to focus on myself and wait for the right one to come along. It tends to happen when you least expect it."

What is your favorite song about heartbreak?

"I would have to say my favorite song about heartbreak is Tough Love by Jessie Ware. Love it!"

What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?

"Hands down, my choice will always be the Fault in Our Stars. That movie is a movie to cry about. That couple went through it all...so many heartbreaking moments. I cried in the movie and the book!"

writer photo

Kate Paguinto

Kate is a Content Strategist and co-owner of Dizzy Cactus. She likes puns, Wes Anderson, and the Oxford comma.

Website Instagram