By Kate Paguinto
Sakura Considine is an Arizona-based blogger and co-founder of Bloguettes, an online platform that offers bloggers hands-on training tools. Her own blog features everything from style inspiration to travel diaries to design tips.
We asked Sakura about her experience with breakups and she shared how heartbreak helped her gain more independence and discover her self-worth.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
"The first time I was heartbroken, I was 17 years old. Looking back, I would tell myself two things. One, I would tell myself that he’s not worth all of the tears and that you deserve to be with someone who treats you better. Two, all of the pain from the heartbreak is going to be worth it because you will learn a valuable lesson from it, which is to be independent."
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
"Heartbreak has taught me to really value myself and believe in my self-worth. Breaking up or getting broken up with is never easy, but it’s important to be aware of your feelings and know what’s best for you. I never want to regret anything in life, and sometimes a breakup is better than coasting through a relationship that has some red flags."
What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?
"I think it’s extremely important to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with loved ones and talk about the breakup, talk about your feelings, and cry. I’ve also found that working out helps me tremendously. One time during a breakup, I had to take a 5 hour road trip alone to Vegas, and I found it so therapeutic to reflect on everything, listen to music, and go through every emotion! By the end of the road trip, I felt very content with the breakup and myself!"
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
"To get over someone and a breakup, it’s so important to just move forward. I’ve done the whole checking their activity on social media thing, but sometimes, it’s just best to block them from social media and not have any communication-- at least for a little while. It’s definitely easier said than done, but I think the second you start obsessing about something, it becomes difficult and unhealthy. Sometimes I regret the decision of breaking up when I’m feeling vulnerable, but it’s important to snap out of it and think about why you broke up."
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
"There are things that you can compromise and things you cannot. Relationships take time and work, but it’s also important to be self-aware and know whether it’s working or not and if you’re meeting each other’s needs. If you’re not, it’s important to communicate and continue to try, but you also have to know when it’s just not working. You can love someone so deeply, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re meant for one another and that it’s going to work."
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
"I think it all depends on how recent the breakup was and whether there are still feelings there or not."
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
"Being happy, thinking positively, and being open-minded."
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
"I love Friends with Benefits or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days! I need a feel-good movie rather than a depressing movie. Both of these movies just make me laugh, but also give me hope for a future relationship. :)"