Have you ever wondered how much sexual pleasure is psychological? Dipsea co-founder and CEO Gina Gutierrez knew the deep connection between the mind and sexual pleasure and recognized the lack of content that bridged the two. Gutierrez and co-founder Faye Keegan set out to fill this void by creating Dipsea, an app that offers sexy audio stories that are safe and feminist.
We asked Gutierrez to share her experience with heartbreak and the rituals that get her through it. In this #howimend interview, she opens up about viewing the end of a relationship as a gain rather than a loss and how to own your breakup stories.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
Later in life heartbreaks may have higher stakes, but I’m convinced that first heartbreaks are the hardest. You just don’t have the mental muscle for resilience built yet. I’d tell myself, “You’re not losing any part of yourself by losing them. They added to your life by helping to shape who you are, and this loss is actually adding to you too. You’re building yourself, and will be ready for a deeper love with the next partner(s) in your life, even if you can’t imagine it yet.”
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
That I’m someone that feels deeply, and that it can make life both really beautiful and really painful. But that in the end, I wouldn’t trade the rollercoaster ride for a flat road.
What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?
As amazing as having a partner is, it means so much of your time and emotional energy is spent on one person. A silver lining of my breakups has been getting to spend time with people I’ve missed, or haven’t yet invested in. Drinks with a new coworker I really like, a hike with a friend I haven’t seen for too long. Making plans has a way of making me feel alive and out in the world, and means I have something to look forward to even in my loneliest moments.
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
After a breakup, so many of my stories involve my ex, so I have a really hard time not bringing up their name all the time. It’s like name vomit, it comes up before I can course correct. I think getting comfortable with saying “my ex” (which is scary and final but good once you rip the bandaid off) helped me to conquer that issue. It gives you more ownership over the idea that those stories are still yours to tell, without making it feel so personal. Time helps too.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
Celebrating someone for who they are, in all their quirks and vulnerabilities, will bring you as much joy as it brings them. Letting them be a whole person will help them let you be your whole self too. Being happy individuals inside the relationship will make your partnership together that much stronger.