Rebecca Butler is the founder of Queen For Dinner, a shop that redefines the idea of "shopping small" by carrying unique goods made by up-and-coming independent designers. Here she opens up to us about how self discipline and gratitude helped her stay #onthemend post-heartbreak.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
"You're worth a hell of a lot more than you think you are. Also you probably won't really remember this person's name 10 years from now."
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
"Not to look to others for happiness and reassurance. You're responsible for your own happiness."
What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?
"The number one thing that ultimately helps me is writing a gratitude journal every single day. I force myself to write at least 5 things that I am grateful for in that very moment. The days when you're really feeling the heartbreak are the hardest to find things, but usually that means it's when you need it the most. Redirecting your thoughts to all the wonderful experiences/things/people you already have in your life and away from what you lack."
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
"I'm pretty strict with myself during breakups. I never do anything like check my ex's instagram or facebook, etc. I usually right away, right when I'm in the heat of the break up (or with the help of a friend if I need it), unfollow them and delete their number so things that I know will hurt me can't just pop up."
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
"Love the best way you know how and without any regrets. I'd rather love full-heartedly and risk getting hurt, than do things half-assed out of fear. And most importantly love yourself - don't get hung up if someone doesn't love you back. If you show yourself love and respect, you'll know that you deserve someone who truly loves and respects you too."
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
"Yes, but after some time and with rules. I'm very close with a significant ex, but we had to go through a period of months where we didn't speak or keep in touch. We needed the time for healing and learning not to be dependent on one another. We also respected each other which was super important - when I started dating someone new, I called to let him know personally (even though it had been years since we had broken up) before he would hear about it through friends or see it through social media. We don't need to share our sex lives or dating lives because that just causes pain and jealousy. But we can laugh and share and support each other."
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
"Because I know that I'd rather be me, than them. Does that make sense? What I mean is I love with no regrets. And if that ends with my heart broken, then at least I know that I was someone who was honest, I was someone who cared, I was someone who loved, I was someone who was open, and I loved the best way I knew how. And I'm proud to be that person."
What is your favorite song about heartbreak?
"I'm someone who hates sad breakup songs when I'm heartbroken - I can't handle them. I have to have empowering powerhouse songs. Favorite from my last big heartbreak: Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele."
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
"Celeste and Jesse Forever. It has everything: laughs, tears, realness."