Cayleigh Maloye is a YouTuber and musician who loves sharing her life and art with the internet. She creates hilarious videos featuring silly challenges and drunk drawings of her favorite Disney characters. We asked Cayleigh about her experience with heartbreak and she opened up about how breakups gave her thick skin and increased her tolerance for emotional pain.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
"It gon’ be k bb. No, but really- boys are super dumb (no offense). You’re gonna need to give it at least another 10 years before you even consider bothering to waste your youth on them. Most of them aren’t worth your time or your tears, so I’d say don’t bother, but I know you will (because who can resist?). Hey, at least you’ll gain some much needed life and write some good, angsty songs out of it. One day you’ll meet a boy who loves Casper just as much as you do, and that’ll be really great. Also, drop this one like it’s hot- I’m pretty sure he sells drugs in Santa Cruz now or something."
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
"It’s taught me that I actually am quite strong. I don’t give myself a lot of credit in many areas of my life (I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor) but in the areas of heartbreak, I’d consider myself pretty bulletproof. I went through so much as a young adult/teen that I grew a pretty thick skin around my heart (pardon the gross metaphor). I’ve got like a moat and piranhas around that thing, man. I’ve had so many shitty things happen to me in the areas of love, that nothing really surprises or phases me at this point. I think I’ve gone a bit numb to the pain if I’m honest, and I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good or bad thing."
What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?
"Ice cream. Ryan Gosling. Or Reynolds- either will do, really. I tend to give myself a day or two to be sad, bitch about them, creep on their Facebook while telling myself how much better I am than them, listen to Adele, binge-eat- you know the usual stuff. Then, after your minute of indulgence, we slowly start phasing it out of the system. Sure, every once in awhile you’ll see them liking some other girl’s Instagram pictures and want to jump out a window, but soon that pain will heal. Just remember that every time you see something annoying that they’ve done on the internet, just shout “BETTER THAN YOU” in your head. Works every time."
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
"So if by “breakup” you mean quietly pining over someone who’s ignoring your texts after you madeout one time, then you came to the RIGHT PLACE. I’m a bit of a sadist when it comes to this though. I know some people delete their exes off of social media- I’m the exact opposite- I stalk the shit out of them and slowly drive myself insane. The healthier option is probably just to mute/unfollow, but I like to really get in there and imagine who all the other people they’re posting pictures with are. ‘Is he dating that girl or is that his sister?’ and other fun phrases. It’s mental, but we all do it. I just go hard at everything I do."
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
"To quote one of the great love philosophers of our generation, Justin Bieber, “love yourself”. I know it’s a cliché, but that thing people say about not being able to love someone else before you love yourself, is pretty true. As someone who’s so insecure that they’re actually insecure about being insecure, it’s unfortunate because it can take years to get to that place- if you ever do! Life is fun like that, isn’t it? But trying to be with someone else before you know who you are and are comfortable with that, just won’t work and isn’t healthy. Plus, you’re great! Just try not to hate yourself, okay?"
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
"I do. Like I said, I probably shouldn’t, but I totally do. In fact, I get pretty offended whenever they unfriend/unfollow me- that’s a pretty low blow, guy. The way I feel about it is like, sure, you might not want to have sex with me anymore, but you can still think I’m hilarious on Twitter."
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
"I think I watched too many Disney movies as a kid and it’s permanently programmed me to be searching endlessly for true love, unfortunately causing me to become what’s known as a “romantic”? Gross, I know, right? So no matter how many princess band-aids I have on my heart at this point, I’m still always down to try again."
What is your favorite song about heartbreak?
"‘Heart Attack’ by Demi Lovato. That whole album was my 2013 heartbreak’s soundtrack. GOOD TIMES."
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
"Does Love Actually count? I know the majority of it is about finding love and all that blah blah, but as a single American woman who spends a lot of time in London, I can’t help but relate to Laura Linney’s character. You know, the one who has the huge crush on that hot Brazilian model that looks like Aladdin if Aladdin were in a porno (who, by the way, we’re just supposed to believe works in an office?? Yeah, OKAY, Richard Curtis). Anyway, that."