Despite swearing up and down to my neighbor that the woman he was with at the store was a friend who he carpooled to a group camping trip, he couldn’t tell me that. Refused. He made clear that he doesn’t owe me an explanation and anyone who respects him would know he’d never do that. He is also grieving and lonely and sad.
At some point it became clear that I had hurt him in a recent conversation when I was trying to establish boundaries. This incident felt like some cruel retaliation. At the end of the conversation I apologized for hurting him and he said nothing. My mind was blown that after everything I had been through in the past 5 days, I was the one saying sorry. This person who I almost married, with whom I just shared how harrowing the previous days were, could not even express sympathy for my pain, let alone provide an explanation to take some of it away.
I had made a terrible error in making his actions about my worth. The call helped me see how important the trip to the Bahamas is and how much work lay ahead.