I’m not ashamed to admit that one of the first thoughts to cross my mind after a breakup is “great...I’m never going to have kids.” Breakups can feel like setbacks in so many ways. They aren’t, but they can feel that way. The future you planned with someone—vacations, engagement, big moves, wedding—disappears from one second to the next.
For me, it’s made the idea of having kids feel like a distant reality. I know you don't need a partner in order to have a child. And I don’t even want kids right now. Actually, I’m far from wanting to start a family, and yet, it’s the first thing I harp on after a breakup. For someone who likes to be in control, like me, family planning can feel so out of your control. Until you take the time to learn about your own fertility.
I jumped at the opportunity to take a Modern Fertility (MF) test because I’m the kind of person that likes to know things, good or bad. Until now, fertility was one of those things I didn’t bother to learn much about. But I figured, if I know I want kids and I know I don’t want them right now, it’d be helpful to have the details on what I’m working with.
The MF test arrived in the mail in a small box that includes everything you’d need to take the test at home. Going through it is like unboxing a medical version of your favorite subscription box. You’re oddly excited to find bandaids, cards to collect your blood samples, biohazard bag for your trash, gauze pads, and the special slips to mail your sample. Maybe not-so-excited about the lancets.
You might get distracted by all the materials and forget to pay close attention to the helpful tips that Modern Fertility includes. Read this and heed their recommendations! I ended up having to take the test twice, but it was my fault for not reading those tips close enough.
This is probably a good time to share that I’m terrified of needles. Any time I’ve ever had to get blood work, I bring a friend or family member for support and I cry way before a needle even pierces my skin. Since I was nervous about poking myself, I asked my coworker to do the lancet part. It wasn’t pain-free, but it also wasn’t horrible. I didn’t even shed a tear which, given my fear of needles, is impressive.
You don’t find out until you do an at-home test like this whether your blood coagulates quickly or not. Mine does. I found myself having trouble getting enough blood to fill the two cards because my blood coagulated so quickly on each finger. I used all three lancets and still wasn’t able to fill the little boxes on both cards. I figured I’d gotten close enough, but I was wrong.
This is where MF’s expert tips come in handy and help you avoid you having to retake the test. When I got the second test (free of charge by the way), I followed all of their tips to a T. I drank the water, did the jumping jacks, and everything else they recommended. And when I actually followed their tips, I had blood to spare!
The best part of the Modern Fertility experience is how much they help you be in-the-know, throughout the testing process and also about your results. Not too long after shipping my samples, I got an email that my results were coming soon and suggesting I RSVP for an upcoming egginar (a round of applause for the branding on this one). In the meantime, you're also invited to join the MF community in a Slack group, Modern Women, that has channels covering fertility, TTC, work, and more. This Slack is filled with valuable information and conversations among women you can relate to.
The following day I received my results. Results are uploaded to your MF dashboard and are super easy to digest. Each hormone tested is accompanied by a full report that explains how that hormone relates to fertility and what your results could mean for your own fertility. You can also access the raw results of your lab work so you can share it with your doctor, if you want to discuss family planning.
I attended an Egginar and also had a one-on-one consultation with MF’s fertility nurse, Jill. The Egginar was a great overview of what you’ll find on the dashboard and the reports. My call with Jill was extremely helpful too. Modern Fertility can’t offer you personalized medical advice, only your doctor can do that, but Jill was able to answer a lot of my general questions on fertility, hormones, and egg-freezing.
My results haven’t changed how I feel about not wanting kids right now, but it’s definitely educated me. I know what conversations I should be having with my doctor, and I’ve learned a ton about hormones and fertility. I feel more in control of my future and family planning and I have peace of mind—whether I’m in a relationship or not.
About Modern Fertility
Modern Fertility makes fertility information more accessible for every woman. With a fertility hormone test that you can take at home, physician-reviewed hormone reports, a 1:1 consultation with a fertility nurse, and a real-talk community, you can know your body and proactively track fertility––whether you’re ready for kids or not.
Use the link modernfertility.com/mend for $20 off the Modern Fertility test.