Divorce hurts, and that's why it's oftentimes ranked alongside death as one of our biggest fears in life. Managing emotions, finances, and family can be extremely overwhelming. This is why we were eager to hear the episode of Girlboss Radio where Sophia Amoruso interviewed her very own divorce attorney , Laura Wasser.
Throughout the episode, Wasser offers some really insightful advice on how to make the process of divorce less painful and what we were particularly interested in; how to (hopefully!) avoid getting divorced in the first place. Her mission is to make divorce less expensive and complicated, which is why she recently launched the platform It's Over Easy.
Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom she shared during her conversation with Sophia:
1. “Talk. Communicate. Communicate your expectations.”
Throughout the interview, Wasser continually highlights the importance of communication, before a couple gets married and during the marriage. She says that lack of communication and a couple drifting apart because of this are the most common reasons people get divorced.
2. “I believe that when you have clear expectations, it enables you to stay together longer.”
She also mentions discussing practicalities like how a couple plans to save for vacations, what will happen when each person’s parents get old and need care or support, how to manage children, work and child support, and general boundaries and expectations. Although these matters aren’t sexy or romantic, they’re important to get clear on before a couple gets married so that expectations are out on the table.
3. “You have to take care of them. Carve out date nights. Have sex.”
Wasser also says that the couples who enjoy successful marriages have mutual respect for each other. She advises that carving out time for your partner, regardless of what other obligations you both have, is key to a healthy relationship.
4. If you think something, say something.
When it comes to red flags and being able to work through these early on, she says a big one is when you can see someone is thinking something but not saying it. She says that by getting these things out, no matter how small or big, it avoids resentment and anger, which can drive one person to cheat or sabotage the relationship.
5. If it's not working, find your team.
If it does come to divorce, Wasser also advises that you try to have compassion for each other. She also suggests you carefully curate a team of people who can help you through it, whether that be therapists, friends, childcare, coaches. When you’re getting back on your feet and dating again, this support system will come in handy.
6. "Everybody is the same."
When it comes to relationship fears, she says, “Everybody is the same. We all have the same fears, sadnesses, and frustrations. Whether you have six zeros after that number in your bank account or three zeros after that number in your bank account, you still are worried about the same thing.”
It's a good reminder that we're all just doing the best we can with what we have.