Why Having a Crush Is the Best (Worst) Thing That Could Happen to You


By Stefanie Marshall

By now, you have read the title, groaned in agreement, and visualized in your mind the person you’re currently crushing on who is simultaneously ruining your life while making it better every time they throw you a smile or text you or breathe. I feel your pain. 

I decide I like a guy often, and then the crush encompasses my entire brain function until I date him or get over it. Usually in that order. But what happens between meeting said crush and getting over it, is the strangest phenomenon. Somehow a person who manages to bring you the most joy and elation also causes intense fear, slight madness and even anger. You are in the center of a hurricane of emotions.

I don’t know about you, but when I have a crush, I’m slightly obsessive. First, I seek out all aspects of his personality via social media. Is he single? Is he fun? Does he like the same dumb stuff I like? Could we hang out at the art museum together but also go to a smokey dive bar to play darts and have the same amount of fun? 

These are all things I think I can ascertain via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Usually this magnifies the crush immediately because everyone is cooler online — showing the world only the best version of themselves. Every once in a while, someone is completely off the grid. Nowhere to be found. This either means your crush is a serial killer or he is the unicorn of our present day social media interwoven world.

Back to the crushing: how is it possible that someone who you have decided you want to be romantically involved with — and are attracted to —can cause such intense and opposite emotions within you? How can you want to hold hands and laugh with him one second but rip his eyeballs out through his nose the next? (Is this just me?) It’s kind of awful.

Your phone vibrates, his name pops up, and he wants you to go out tonight. You’ve never felt such excitement. It doesn’t matter that 17 minutes ago you were ripping him to verbal shreds with your best friend. He initiated contact, and you’re so happy your ovaries just exploded. There is hope. He’s reaching out. Oh my God, he really DOES like you. 

You have a beautiful evening together, laughing and drinking and butterflies in the stomach and texts to your best friend taking back every bad thing you said earlier because YOU ARE IN LOVE AND PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

Three days later, you haven’t spoken to him, and you are back on the hate train. Your best friend is listening to you moan in exasperation. But also in complete agreement. Because you would do the same for her. We have all been there. We get it. We crave the rush of a crush. And once we have it, we are dumbfounded by how it steamrolls our hearts while giving us hope for love at the same time.

Let’s face it. Love is messy. Dating is even messier. There is a reason they call it a crush. In the end someone’s feelings are going to be exactly that — crushed. So here’s what I say: feel it all. Dive in head first. Let yourself be pummeled by love. Take a ride on the emotional seesaw. Even if it doesn’t work out, the best parts, of even the worst parts, will have been worth it.

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Stefanie Marshall

Stefanie is a writer and a hopeless romantic. Probably both because of the other. She likes her whiskey neat and her men bearded. Mostly, she's told she's the good kind of terrifying.

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