My best friend from home called me at 2:00AM last night. Typically, not even a bomb going off outside my house will disturb my slumber, but last night, the combination of ringing and vibrating woke me so I answered the phone.
My stomach dropped immediately because she never calls, let alone at two in the morning. My first thought was someone died. Thankfully, she was only slightly tipsy and calling to make sure that we both weren’t going to end up alone even though we are 28 and single. So as not to discredit my best friend, let me add that she was four or five beers in and “third wheel”-ing it with a couple prior to her phone call.
Wait. Back up. Are we going to be alone forever? I felt a little overconfident as I was assuring her that we were not going to be “those women”. Yet, I know in my gut that we never will.
And the reason why is simply this: neither one of us will ever settle for anything less than all encompassing, passionate, be all, end all love. If for some outlandish reason, the universe decides I don’t deserve that again, then so be it. But I refuse to settle for someone I have luke warm feelings about just to be with some body.
Who wants that? I see people I’ve known for years settling everyday. I serve drinks to those women at the bar, and I feel sorry for them – not jealous. and as we continued this conversation of fears and trepidations, it became even more clear what I(we) don’t want. I don’t want to be with a man simply because he wants to be with me. I don’t want to be with a man because I am afraid there won’t be another in the future. I definitely don’t want to be with a man because I don’t love myself enough to find exactly what I want and refuse to live without it.
So yes, I’m 28 and single. I have had two great loves of my life, and I feel extremely blessed for them both. However, I will not stumble ignorantly into some lackluster semblance of a love affair for the sheer satisfaction of saying I’m attached. I will wait patiently here on the sidelines of love until I find that inimitable spark which I know I deserve. and if you’re smart, you will too.