You Have Changed and So Have I



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By Jessica Munoz



I saw a photo of you the other day and I couldn't look away. I studied the details of your face like the way I did when we'd lie in bed. Except this time, I wasn't using my fingers to outline each dearly beloved curve. I was like a child excavating an ancient ruin. My eyes wildly eager for what they'd find.

You were beautiful like always. But you have changed. Mostly in the eyes.

I remember feeling completely indulgent lying in bed; rays of light hitting your face ever so gently, illuminating your big, green eyes. Our eyes would stay locked as if they were conversing in some secret code. A secret dialog that only they knew the subject matter. A silent exchange - a type of bliss. In the photo, even though I knew I was looking at the very same eyes I used to kiss so softly, they were unrecognizable to me.

I looked hard as if answers would suddenly appear. "Whose eyes are those?" And very matter-of-factly, "Those eyes are impostors. I've never seen them." And defeatedly, "You have changed. Mostly in the eyes."

I loved your eyes.

Those eyes I once cherished will live somewhere deep within my memory. I will eventually grow old. I will become slower and smaller. I will carry the evidence of years lived on my skin. My mind may wander. My memory may diminish. You'll live somewhere within me, I just don't know for how much longer.

Already now, so much time since those lazy days in bed, it feels as if I have made you up. A figment of my imagination. But that's not the case. We use to share days together. You were in my life and you made it better. And before the time comes where I don't recognize your eyes at all, I want to take a moment to thank you for painting my world. You planted a flourishing seed in a once-barren land. Your eyes ignited the embers in mine.

I might not remember you forever, for I am changing. Different items have compartmentalized into the space I had kept exclusively for thoughts of you. And that's okay. We have both changed and will continue to do so even more. I am honored to have once known those eyes so well. Those lazy bedroom eyes. Goodbye. So long. I wish you the greatest.

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Jessica Munoz

Jessica is a writer living in Venice Beach. Her guilty pleasure is food competition shows.

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