Sure, it sounds alluring to be in the arms of someone you once shared everything with. There will always be an inherent bond with an ex because of the shared history and familiarity.
But is an ex encounter worth it? Is it possible for casual sex with an ex to remain just that? Here, 10 people share their thoughts on casual sex with an ex. And if you're struggling to get over an ex, be sure to check out our tried-and-true 60-day Ex Detox.
1. Complete Sense Of Relief
"For me, having sex with my ex was one of the best decisions I made for myself emotionally. It did much more for me than I expected. Obviously, it was an ego boost, lots of fun and let me recharge and regroup. It was almost like a time out because I wasn’t exactly moving backward, but I definitely wasn’t moving forward either. But what I didn’t expect was the complete sense of relief I felt the next day. Our relationship ended so badly and there was so much resentment and hurt feelings, it was very difficult, for me anyway, to view that relationship as anything but a total mistake. But having that one night reminded me of how great he can be and how much fun we did have. It was a nice commemoration to the time that we shared."
—Olga shares how sleeping with her ex helped clean her slate. (xojane.com)
2. Things Will Go Nowhere
"While a no-strings-attached relationship sounds good in theory, it is a dead-end solution that closes off your options. On one hand, it doesn’t allow you to move on and find a partner with whom there is both sexual chemistry and also emotional compatibility. You deserve both. Why should you have only half the cake? And on the other hand, since you are in a no-strings-attached relationship, it stops you from addressing the emotional difficulties between you in any meaningful way. So things can go nowhere."
—Sharadha explains how sleeping with an ex leaves one with no room for progression and stifled feelings. (dearsharadha.com)
3. Establish Rules
"If you’re happy that you’re both on the same page, and your break-up was wholesome enough to avoid significant pain, then you need to establish rules. Why? Because otherwise you’re gonna slip right back into that relationship thing all over again, and before you know it, you’ll be using passive-aggressive emoji because they’re late to your aunt’s wedding. And we don’t want that, do we? Remember that book: 'It’s Called A Break-Up Because It’s Broken.'"
—This beginner's guide on how to have sex with your ex explains that both parties must agree on a set of expectations. (thedebrief.co.uk)
4. Have A Back-up Plan
“A friend once told me, ‘You should never break up with someone without a back-up plan.’ I took her advice to heart. It just made sense. You wouldn’t leave an apartment without finding a new place to live first, so why would you leave a relationship without a solid plan of where to get your orgasms and feelings going forward? Still, there are times when one unexpectedly finds oneself in a period of sexual vagrancy—maybe you got dumped, or a bad fight ended your relationship abruptly, or your back-up plan just fell through. It happens to the best of us. It’s during this delicate and lonely state that we find ourselves doing what one should never do: sleeping with the ex.”
—Slutever's Karley Sciortino warns that sleeping with an ex can become a "cock block." (Vogue.com)
5. Recipe For Disaster
"I went through this phase for quite a while with my ex and it was a recipe for disaster. It's great in the moment, but it is ultimately the equivalent of an emotional seppuku for at least one of the parties involved."
—Reddit user on how they felt horrible after sleeping with an ex. (Reddit.com)
6. Keep An Eye On Emotions
"Generally speaking, I wouldn't advise sleeping with an ex with whom you had a serious relationship. That just opens up old wounds and sparks drama. But, if there's someone you dated briefly with whom you totally sparked sexually, if not romantically, why wouldn't you have a little fun together, at least from time to time? Make sure to keep a close eye on your emotions; if you start to catch feelings, stop.”
—Editor-in-chief of 'The Frisky,' Amelia McDonell-Parry, advises to watch out for catching feelings again. (Refinery29.com)
7. A Beautiful Realization
"I was calling the shots, as I had sex with a man I used to love to prove to myself that I was over him, and I absolutely was. I knew then there would be no more tears shed at his memory, and I also realized that all the great sex I thought I was having with him, was actually pretty mediocre. It was a beautiful realization."
—Amanda shares how sleeping with her ex finally provided her with the closure she needed to move on. (ThoughtCatalog.com)
8. Just Sleep With Your Ex
"Normal dates—with the requisite mani-pedis, barbershop shaves, drinks, and movie tickets—can easily add up to more than $200. But just because you’re single and can’t afford big nights out doesn’t mean you need to forgo sex altogether. Just sleep with your ex. Booty-calling an ex, at least one you’re on good terms with, is a low-risk, high-yield investment. You’re familiar with each other’s flaws already, so no need to mask them with pricey beautification or elaborate mating rituals. Just order in Chinese—or better yet, nuke some Ramen, then get busy. Bonus perk: Your ex knows his or her way around your body, and vice versa, which means a guaranteed good time for all."
—A guide to the joys (and savings) of sleeping with an ex. (NYMag.com)
9. Sexy And Free
"There's also a certain fun naughtiness in having sex with a former spouse. It's like the sex you had when you were dating. There's the flirting, a feeling of seduction, the thrilling idea of having a fling or pseudo-affair. An attitude of, 'we're not married, we're just having great sex' prevails and you feel both sexy and free."
—Kristen explains how sex with an ex is becoming the new form of monogamy. (HuffingtonPost.com)
10. It'll Set You Back
"If you want to hijack and dismantle all the grieving and healing work you’ve done up to this point, by all means, go sleep with your ex. But if you want to continue to move forward into healing with your head held high, refrain. Do not let a few moments of passion undo all the hard work you’ve done. It is not worth it. It will send you reeling and send you back months and months healing-wise."
—Elisabeth explains how having sex with an ex will only set one back while on their road to healing. (ElisabethKlein.com)
P.S. If you could use some advice on what to do if you're debating hooking up with your ex (or if you're dealing with the aftermath), check out our new Mend Class "I slept with my ex. Now what?" As a gift for being a reader, we're giving you 50% off when you use the code RESILIENT at checkout.