Four Ways I Helped Myself Heal After a Breakup


Schaeffer Carrillo

Everyone deals with breakups differently, but here are 5 ways I helped myself after my breakup. I hope they may inspire or encourage you on your own journey.

1) Letting family and friends double as therapists

For some people, family and friends are going to be the most important aspect in getting over your break-up. They will be the best support system you can ever ask for. They will tell you the truth—even if it hurts—and be there to wipe the tears. What is amazing about confiding in family and friends is that their advice is always coming from a desire to help you.

In a relationship, we tend to have our love blinders on. We sometimes block out the bad things and make excuses for our significant other. Our family and friends can rip off those love blinders and help us realize our self-worth and what we truly deserve in a relationship. I have found a whole new respect for my family and friends. They have continually been there for me while I’ve ranted and cried (never once giving me the impression that they were bored of hearing the same old thing). During a time where it seems like your world is crumbling, your support system will be there to mend back together those broken bits and pieces to make you feel whole again.

2) Doing a little spring cleaning

This means physically and mentally. If you’ve been in a long term relationship, then you probably have tons of kissing pictures hanging around your place, and little trinkets from your travels together. Advice: take it all, every last bit, and toss it in a huge bin ($8 at Target, you’re welcome). Place that bin in the garage and never look at it again (or at least until you’re ready). Personally, my room was like a shrine to my relationship. When it ended, the second I got rid of everything that reminded me of him (and even spent the time to do a little re-decorating), it made me feel liberated. Also, it helped to not have physical reminders of our relationship taunting me in my own personal space.

The spring cleaning philosophy extends to your head, too. Social media plays a huge part in our daily lives and allows us to know what our friends are doing on the regular. If you have your ex on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc… DELETE THEM. I know this is easier said than done. Trust me, I do. It took me a month and a half to finally pull the plug, but it has been one of the best ways for me to move on. You know the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” That’s what I’m getting at.

When going through a breakup it’s normal to be constantly thinking about our ex. What are they doing every day? Who are they hanging out with? Are they thinking about me? It becomes a constant mind game of confusing and open-ended questions. Curiosity is normal, but when these thoughts turn into an obsession, there’s a problem. If you’re connected in any way online, then you are bound to check what they’re up to and get upset that they are doing things that you both used to do together. The only way to avoid these feelings is to not give them the opportunity to arise.

3) Focusing on my happiness

I hate the phrase “focus on yourself,” because it seems superficial and selfish. Instead, “focus on your happiness.” When in a relationship, it’s easy to lose ourselves. We begin to make our decisions based on the happiness of others instead of our own. This becomes an issue because if we are so busy making someone ELSE happy… because then who is making us happy? We have to make happiness for ourselves, and breakups are a brilliant reminder of that.

Personally, my happiness comes from friends and enjoying new experiences. Since my breakup, I have been to Vegas (so cliché for a newly single girl, I know), been going out with my friends, and focusing on my blog. My ex-boyfriend didn’t like doing any of these things so I had sacrificed some of my happiness in order to appease his. Now I see that that wasn’t okay. Why do we limit ourselves in order to please others? Rediscover the person you were before the relationship. This is a time where it’s perfectly acceptable to make ourselves the priority instead of others.

4) Holding out hope

There is someone out there for everyone! A breakup does not mean you are going to be single forever. It means the universe has something bigger and better in store for you. What I have realized most deeply is the need to trust the timing of your life. There is a reason for everything! Even though I felt as if my life was over (so dramatic, I know), I never once doubted that there wasn’t someone better out there for me. Being hopeful is the best thing you can do right now for yourself. When you’re feeling skeptical that you’ll find someone, remember this: even the weirdest people in the world find lovers! There really is a lid for every pot. Constantly remind yourself that this breakup happened for a reason. From here, all we can do is choose to use it as a learning experience.

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