For some of us, a breakup seems like this terrifying experience that will change us forever, ruin us for future partners, and make us think that we don’t deserve to find true love.
I feared those same things. Until I went through a breakup. It’s much harder when you’ve never been through it before and when the relationship has lasted for years.
They say these are the moments we all need to go through as they help us learn, grow, move on, get to know ourselves better, and improve ourselves. That’s exactly what happened to me.
After a short mourning period (we’re all allowed to that, of course), it hit me: I was liberated.
When someone breaks up with us, we usually see it as a form of rejection. But what if we look at it as showing us we’re not a good fit for each other and making a space for something better?
That’s just one of the many deep but positive realizations I came to after we broke up. Let me share more.
If you’re going through the same and are reading this now, maybe you’ll allow these lessons to reach you faster.
1. There is life outside the relationship.
I’m guilty of forgetting that. When you’ve been with one person for so long, things change, that person isn’t the same one you fell in love with either. But you’re part of the relationship now and fail to open your eyes for what’s outside of it. Or at least that’s what happened to me.
The fear of being alone is a result of not knowing what to do with your time or how to meet new people. Perhaps you've never taken enough time alone to deeply develop your identity as an individual, not a couple. But once you’re put in that situation, you learn as you go and it’s a beautiful journey.
I now smile more, socialize, travel, have hobbies, do sports, and work on myself. All of that has introduced me to a whole new world I hadn’t seen for years.
2. It’s not personal.
When a relationship ends, you blame yourself first. You try to figure out what went wrong and start thinking about what you could have done differently. When you can’t find answers, you start blaming the other person. But that doesn’t help either.
After some time, you eventually find peace as you realize it’s not about you or about them, it’s about how you two fit together. If there’s no balance, it’s much better for each person in the relationship to go their own way.
Once you accept that and see how much it makes sense, you will forgive the other person and yourself and will let go of the blame and guilt.
3. It wasn’t true love, but it’s out there.
One of the next big life lessons I learned after a lot of contemplating, comparing myself to others, going back to the past, and getting discouraged by being negative about the future, is that this wasn’t true love. Because if it was, it would last.
That doesn’t mean I’m doomed. True love is out there and whoever broke up with you only made room for the right person to enter your life. So thank them and stay positive.
4. You now know what you don’t want in a relationship.
That’s important and there was no way you’d know if your heart wasn’t broken.
This breakup led to you analyzing what went wrong and what you don’t want to experience again. You’re now aware of the traits in a partner that you can’t live with and will make sure the next person who enters your life and heart doesn’t have any of the traits your ex showed at the end of the relationship.
5. Communication can make or break a couple.
Want one thing to focus on to improve your relationship? Be honest, be direct, ask, and answer.
Because without that, you end up guessing what the other person is thinking or feeling, dropping hints, expecting, and having regrets, and never really knowing what’s going on in your partner’s mind until you ask and discuss it.
6. The pain goes away.
When you’re hurt, you think it will never get better. Until some time has passed (that period is different for all of us) and you see light at the end of the tunnel. You realize you have the strength to move on. You take your lessons, put a smile on your face, and suddenly feel like a big burden has been lifted off your shoulders.
That’s the act of letting go and it happens naturally. Once it does, you’re open to exploring a new world of opportunities and never looking back.
You also build resilience to more pain in the future. There will be more challenging experiences but having faith in the healing process and trusting your abilities to get over it will help you tremendously.
A breakup isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can turn into a life-changing period in your journey that prepares you for what comes next. And that’s a better version of yourself, new people, more experience, and a stronger mindset.