How To Heal After A Breakup Even When You Have Mutual Friends With Your Ex


Katerina Torres

Mending a broken heart can be exponentially difficult if you share mutual friendships with your ex. When you’re in a relationship it feels so convenient to have the same social circle, but the minute you break up, it’s what will keep you up at night.

Can I even be friends with them anymore? Will my ex always be there? What if they prefer hanging out with my ex and stop inviting me places?

These are all questions that plague our minds when we’re trying to get over a breakup and have the same friends as our ex, but it doesn’t have to keep you on edge.

Here you’ll find some tips for managing those friendships after your breakup and keeping your sanity at the same time.

Be honest with yourself about your intentions.

Just because you parted ways with your ex doesn’t mean you have to do the same with your mutual friends. However, you have to be real with yourself about why you want to keep these friendships thriving. Are you maintaining relationships with these friends just to stay in your ex’s life? Or are these friendships truly meaningful to you?

Don’t rush into social settings where your ex will be.

It’s safe to say that the weekend after your breakup probably isn’t the best time to find yourself at a mutual friend’s party where your ex will be in attendance. Give yourself however much time you need to heal. Your friends will understand, and will definitely appreciate the distance more than having to walk on eggshells in a social setting with the both of you when the breakup is still fresh.

Avoid any small group activities.

Any gathering that will be under five people is probably too small for either your ex or you to feel comfortable. In smaller groups like this, you’ll probably be faced with more interaction with your ex than you care to have. Skip out on those.

Don’t put it on your friends.

The last thing you want to do is force your friends to pick sides. You also don’t want them to feel like they’re a middleman, delivering messages back and forth. Don’t trash talk your ex to them, remember they’re friends with them too. It's best not to get them involved in the breakup.

Nourish the friendships you don’t share with your ex.

What better time than now to dedicate more time to the friendships that are just yours. Those are the people you’ll be able to vent to and hang out with knowing you won’t be in an awkward setting with your ex.

Keep in mind, eventually, you might see your ex with someone else.

At some point, you will both move on to other relationships, which means your ex might bring their new significant other around your mutual friends. It’s always okay to ask your friends if your ex (and their new partner) will be in attendance when getting an invite somewhere. If you know what to expect, you can prep yourself for it. Maybe you’re not prepared to endure that just yet, so don’t feel bad declining the invite if it means protecting your peace.

Keep it cordial.

You don’t have to pretend to be excited to see your ex, but you also don’t have to make it awkward for everyone there. A simple hello, acknowledging your ex’s presence will do just fine.

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