How to Get Over A Breakup When You Keep Going Back



How-to-get-over-a-breakup-when-you-keep-going-back


By Katerina Torres


After a breakup, the weekends are the hardest. While your friends are out enjoying every minute of their days sans work, you can’t pry yourself out of bed. Now that your mind isn’t occupied with work responsibilities, you have all this free time and you’re tempted to text your ex.

It’s definitely not the first time you’ve battled this urge. Maybe you’ve even given in to the impulse a time or two in the past. But this time you don’t want to. You’re done trying again. If only you could resist the temptation. If only you could stick to your self-imposed no contact rule. You know that reaching out won’t change anything. And you know that giving it a third (or fourth) try won’t make the relationship successful. So how do you stay away, for good this time?

First, you have to acknowledge that the longing to reach out to your ex is normal. You’re not alone. Science says that a breakup can feel a lot like withdrawal for addicts, so it’s perfectly normal that you’re wanting to contact your ex. Forgive yourself for wanting to talk to or go back to your ex. Don't waste your time beating yourself up over this.

What’s important is that you start differentiating what draws you back. If you take stock of the relationship, and the cons far outweigh the pros, chances are you’re going back to your ex out of loneliness. If you realize it’s loneliness that pushes you into the arms of an ex, you can find productive ways to fill the empty time when it sets in. Maybe you want to try a new hobby, or perhaps it’s a good time to meet up with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Figure out what comfort your ex brings you that you can give to yourself.

When the urge creeps in to run back to your ex, it’s a great opportunity to analyze what you are actually missing from them. It'll help you create a better game plan for yourself as you work to get through the heartbreak. Give yourself the space to gain a new perspective and use that to build a life that’s fulfilling all on your own.

writer photo

Katerina Torres

Katerina is a contributing editor at Mend. When she’s not cooking up new vegan recipes, she’s binge-watching another TV show. Her goal is to be your daily dose of positivity, whether through her writing, videos, or social media posts. You can watch her share bite-sized wellness tips in her weekly video series, Tub Talks.

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