Many of us have been in that situation where we’ve broken up with someone only to then get back together.
Sometimes, that emotional and physical space and distance are what’s needed for a relationship to work a second time around.
Other times, the same issues tend to rear their ugly heads again once the honeymoon period of the relationship revival has worn off....inevitably leading to a second break up where the heartbreak and grief can feel even more potent and final.
So what do you do when you find yourself in this place?
1. Don't put yourself down
Well, first of all, don’t berate yourself for giving the relationship another chance. Although it feels heartbreaking now, at least you know for sure that the relationship couldn’t work and that breaking up for a final time will allow you to be set free of that, to heal. Having that finality can be devastating but in many ways, a relief.
2. Get back in touch with your gut
This experience is an opportunity to go back and think about whether deep down, your instinct was telling you that it wasn’t right to get involved with your ex again. It’s important to do this with kindness and compassion for yourself. If you reflect and know that something felt ‘off’ that can be a valuable lesson in learning to trust yourself. And to think about why you overlooked the red flags. It could be a fear of being alone or not finding anyone else, or of being willing to compromise your own needs.
3. Find the opportunity for growth
All of these things and many more are signposts of what you can work on as part of your healing from a second time around breakup.
4. Respect yourself by taking space
From a practical point of view, removing all forms of contact where possible is likely for the best too. You already know how easy it is to gravitate back towards each other so putting space between you will help you break that attachment for good and move forward.
5. Let yourself grieve the loss
Ultimately, it’s important to let yourself feel the pain and the grief of things not working out again. The more you and your ex get back together, the stronger the attachment becomes regardless of how good or bad the relationship actually is. It’s taking things day by day and always going by what history has already taught you. Practicing self care, daily rituals and creating new memories and habits is also part of breaking the cycle.
Finally, just trust that you have the power to make this a pivotal learning experience and a blessing. Day by day, you will uncover the lessons and you will start to see possibilities for new love when you begin to let go of a love that wasn't working.