Fauna Solomon is the founder of The Dating Truth, a site that gives modern dating and relationship advice for singles. She gives readers insight on a variety of dating topics, from getting more matches on Tinder to navigating a first date to adjusting your texting habits.
We got a chance to ask Fauna some questions about her personal experience with heartbreak and she opened up to us about how maintaining a positive attitude about love helped her beat the breakup blues.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
"I've always felt unfulfilled at some point or another in my past relationships but I trudged along thinking about the future, or maybe I stayed in the relationships punishing myself for some shortcoming but what I learned and would tell my younger self, is 'You deserve to be happy,' even if it takes a breakup to wake up."
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
"I've learned that heartbreak is just you and your inner being, looking at a situation from two different view points. You're taking the situation as a loss while your inner being, your true self is looking at the opportunity as freedom. My toughest breakups taught me how to align with my inner being, who had it right all along."
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
"My post breakup practice is never to force myself to 'get over' the other person. The breakups that were the hardest for me were relationships where I still felt very much in love. The harder I tried not to have those feelings the worse I felt. It was easier for me to go with the flow of my emotions, to feel the love that was still there and to remember the good times. It felt good to think about my ex in a positive way and in the midst of a breakup I think you have to do everything that you can to feel good. The path of least resistance to me was to hold to the good feelings and the love until it faded naturally."
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
"As cliche as it sounds, love really is an inside job. When you're confident and loving towards yourself you raise the standard for how you're loved. Once I learned to value and love myself, especially by making myself a priority, I couldn't go back to anyone treating me less than I felt I deserved. I've also learned that unconditional love is real, and again it starts from the inside out. If you can focus on the positive aspects of yourself, finding them in others is easy."
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
"I think exes can be friends but it depends on their relationship. I personally am not friends with any of my exes but that's a choice everyone has to make for themselves."
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
"What keeps my heart open is knowing the power of love. When I had it, the feeling was incredible. Even though we get sick sometimes we can never stop believing in our wellness. The same applies to love. Even though I have been heartbroken, I still believe in my power to love unconditionally and to heal through love. I never let go of that feeling that love has brought into my life by loving myself, my friends and my family. You can't escape the power of love and when you try, you feel awful. I feel like the pain of a breakup is really the denial of love. It hurts too much to keep love out, so I have to constantly believe in it."
What is your favorite song about heartbreak?
"It's a little obscure but my favorite heartbreak song is by the duo Zhane, they sang 'Hey, Mr. Dj' which coincidentally is one of my favorite party songs. They have a beautiful ballad on their first album that always speaks to me. The refrain is: 'Everything happens for a reason.' And even in the lyrics, they sing 'I don't know if I believe it.' Nothing rings more true to me in life and love. People say everything happens for a reason but there's always that question, nagging you. "Does it?" I don't know, but that song always gives me life when I'm feeling down."
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
"That's a tough one since I strictly watch romantic comedies with happy endings, but I would say Legally Blonde."
What projects are you currently working on, and looking forward to most?
"I'm always on a mission to help singles make dating more fun. To me, nothing is more fun than getting results. Currently, I'm working on my 7-Day FLIRT Challenge, its a free program designed to help anyone find love in record time (FLIRT) online. It will be launching soon. I think online dating is the fastest and easiest way to get back into the dating game and find success quickly even if you've had tough experiences in dating in the past."