Shan Boodram is a certified sexologist, sex educator, and relationship expert. Her book LAID (Seal Press) was a Canadian bestseller and her YouTube channel, a sex-positive platform, has over 40 million views. She is also an ambassador for AIDS Healthcare Foundation. We asked Shan some questions about heartbreak and she opened up about how overcoming a breakup is, in a lot of ways, like overcoming an addiction.
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
“With my latest breakup about a year and a half ago, I LUCKED OUT!! I don’t know why because I don’t speak to him but literally like a few weeks after we broke up he stopped using social media. It was so weird but so so helpful. If you don’t luck out in that way you just HAVE to have discipline – the other option is misery…so why even consider that?”
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
“There are two versions of any one person: 1) who they are 2) how they make you feel. The how they make you feel part is actually WAY more important. The person could be Barrack Obama on paper but if they make you feel insecure, unhappy, and uninspired you should not give your love to them, it’s a dead end.”
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
“I would treat this question exactly how I would treat anyone healing from any addiction. An alcoholic or cigarette smoker has to put a LOT of time between them and their vice before they can engage in it casually. The same goes for friendships with your exes, if you start engaging with them too soon you will have a much harder and longer road ridding yourself of the addiction.”
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
“Oh man I’ve never really been scorned to the point that I’ve feared trying again. I face a LOT of rejection and disappointment in my career so maybe that’s part of my conditioning. I just think a guarded lukewarm life sounds boring. I want the best out of life and I can’t expect that if I’m half stepping so I run to my desires – and with each failure I get better at understanding the importance of direction.”
What is your favorite song about heartbreak?
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
“Hmmmmmm I love 500 Days of Summer”
What projects are you currently working on, and looking forward to most?
“So many things, my life is incredible! Mostly and most poignantly to this amazing service you guys have – I am doing a visual audio book of a short story I wrote on the struggles of a woman addicted to love and searching in the wrong places. That comes out in May…of course it was inspired by some experiences I’ve had in my life. Like I said, heartbreak can inspire some really awesome art, so turn your pain into perseverance.”