Rebecca Louise is a fitness YouTuber and personal trainer who shares workout, nutrition and lifestyle tips to help people find balance in their lives through wellness (and travel, too!). We asked Rebecca some questions about her experience with breakups and she opened up about how heartbreak helped her reflect and learn more about herself.
If you think back to the first time you were heartbroken, what advice would you give to that younger version of yourself?
"Being heartbroken is one of the worst feelings you can experience. That sudden hit to your stomach, the pain in your heart and the feeling that you will never meet anyone again. Well yes this is true for all of us and no it doesn’t get any easier if your heart keeps breaking. Although it might seem terrible at the time and might be hard to believe, the relationship ended for a reason. That reason is a good one, even if you don’t think so! It happened because there was someone better suited for you out there. I have been in a couple of relationships and at the time thought there couldn't be anyone better out there for me. What I realize now is that everyone comes into your life for a reason, to teach you something and for you to grow. At the end you will be with the person you were meant to be with."
What has heartbreak taught you about yourself?
"Heartbreak is the best way to learn about yourself and it enables you to grow. It is a time to reflect back on the relationship and look at why it didn’t work. This is not a time to blame the other person about why it didn’t! Take full responsibility and just look at your own actions to enable you to learn and grow. Complaining about what they did won’t help you, it will only make you frustrated. Heartbreak taught me how to be strong, how to bounce back and change my state even when all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa. I learned that no matter what is happening in my personal life, my world goes on and so must I."
What are your rituals during a breakup? What things/practices/people helped you mend?
"Changing my state of mind is a big part of helping me mend. I recognize when I am in a low mood and tell myself to smile, to be grateful and to make the most out of the day. I know that my life is going to continue and bad things happen so I may as well come out the other end happy, strong and with something to show! You might not feel like being around other people but sometimes you have to force yourself, It will help you not mope around at home feeling sorry for yourself."
Thinking back to breakups you’ve had, did you have any breakup vices (checking your ex’s Insta, etc) and how do you conquer them?
"In my opinion, when you break up its called a break because its broken! So my advice is to block them on all your social media and get your friends to block them too. This might be incredibly hard and something you think you don’t need to do, remember the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true! Move on and look at the future instead of the past!"
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about love so far in your life?
"I have realized that love is about communication with another being. You can be in a relationship that you think is love, you are arguing and making up all the time making it exhausting. I have found that loving someone is when you listen to them, you are able to talk things through because neither wants an argument, you respect them and want to be more like them."
Do you think exes can be friends? Do you stay friends with your exes on social media?
"No, I don’t think you can stay friends with you ex. You are no longer with that person and if you want to move on you need to distance yourself from them. To get over someone they need to be far away and out of your feed. The most important thing for me is that it’s not healthy going into a new relationship when you are still focused on or following someone you were once with. It’s not fair on you to compare and it’s certainly not fair on your new romance to have to deal with. If it was me I would want to know there were no feelings and that they are no longer in their life before I started to invest even a minute of my time with them."
What keeps your heart open, despite the heartbreaks you’ve had in your life?
"You must always keep your heart open and not be afraid because we were designed to live with another human being. It feels horrible at the time, but once you have been through one and you know there is someone else even better suited coming your way it gives you hope. Always believe that everything happens for a reason and in your favor."
What is your favorite song about heartbreak?
"I tend not to listen to music when I have been heartbroken because for me it stirs up to much emotion. I like to concentrate on reading or listening to personal development."
What is your favorite movie about heartbreak?
"My favorite movie about love is Love, Actually. All the story lines are so great and varied you get to see all kinds of relationships. The movie 'He’s Just Not That Into You’ might sound brutal at the time but it’s a good one!"
What projects are you currently working on, and looking forward to most?
"I am super excited about the workout videos we are filming this year because each month we are shooting in a new country! Not only will you get a great workout in but you will get to see the world. There are many more motivational videos coming to the channel and a whole bunch of vlogs on the new Rebecca Louise Vlog channel! We also have an opportunity for everyone to come and experience wellness with me on a retreat. Follow me on social media for the announcement!"