When it’s good for them, they’re all about it. They’ll make plans to see you, even put in the effort that you need from them - phone calls, dates, they’ll surprise you with your favorite treat from the bakery downtown simple because and tell you things that send chills up your spine.
For a moment there, everything is perfect - exciting and comforting, peaceful and so satisfying. You’re in heaven; everything feels so right.
But like every other time before, your blissful reverie quickly turns sour, things turn dark so fast that you don’t even have time to think, only to feel how hurt you are. And once again, you’re left in the exactly same place as you were before: wondering how the hell you let this happen again, how you ended up exactly where you promised yourself you would never be again.
You curse yourself for falling for it again. You despise this toxic cycle, and you don’t know who you hate more - them, or yourself for allowing them to treat you this way.
You never, ever have to feel like that.
You go back because you care, you go back because you think, this time it will be different. You go back because you subconsciously think you have to prove something, win their heart, impress them. You think, if I just have a little more time, they will realize that I’m The One, that I’m one of a kind, that life isn’t the same without me, that no one can love them better. No. You never, ever have to convince anyone to choose you, to see you, to appreciate you. If they don’t appreciate you by now, they are never going to appreciate you. And if they don’t appreciate you, you should never waste a moment of energy on them again.
You might like the challenge, you might like the thrill, the chase; you see someone who appears to be untamable and you want to be the one to tame them, you want to be the one they change for. But don’t forget that you are dealing with a person who will always teeter between two personalities, no matter who they are with. That other facet of their personality, the unstable one, it will always be there, and you will always be left second guessing yourself, doubting how special you are, always needing to prove something. You don’t want that. You don’t need that.
Because someone who plays games, isn’t sure about what they want, always loves themselves more, isn’t the person for you. I know you have special moments, and they feel it, too. I know you have a connection and I know that when they want to be, they are so sweet and caring, loyal and unguarded. But that’s only on the days when it’s convenient for them.
Leave your life open for someone who you deserve. Someone who’s reliable and consistently good to you. Someone who still keeps you on your toes, but in the best possible way. Someone who from the first day you meet feels something special and can’t help but want to be next to you - on their worst days, on their best days, and everywhere in between. Someone who looks at you like you’re magic and wants to be tamed by you. Someone who lifts you up, and keeps lifting you up. Someone who will never stop appreciating you because they will never risk losing you.
I know you might feel lost right now. You might be scared. You might be terrified of letting them fully go, no matter how fed up you are. But I promise you, there’s so much more. That spark you feel, isn’t worth the pain. Don’t ever be afraid to let go, because you’re just making room for someone new, someone better, a real love, someone who will appreciate you.
Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Nothing less than knowing, with all your heart, that they cherish you.