Letter From A Mender: An Apology Letter To Myself


Stephanie Wu

You are an amazing, beautiful soul inside and out and there is literally no one else in the world like you. You light up a room with your genuine smile. You make heads turn when you walk into a room with your subtle beauty and grace. People are attracted to your light and kindness because they know it’s authentic. People are drawn to your eyes because you see the best in everyone…you see the depths of their soul with no judgment; only empathy, compassion and love and they know they are safe with you. People are drawn to your lips because you speak words of truth and wisdom far beyond your years. People are drawn to your mind because you have a curiosity and hunger for knowledge and can have deep, intelligent, soul-searching conversations without fear of judgment. People are drawn to your body because they see the strength and discipline you have instilled from years of yoga, hiking, and living an active lifestyle (and let’s be honest, you have great genes too).

Most importantly, people are drawn to your heart because you have a rare one and are an empath through and through. You love unconditionally and resiliently. You choose to love each and every day, even when others don’t reciprocate. You feel and acknowledge all your emotions fully and deeply. You aren’t afraid to be vulnerable because you are courageous. You love with an unapologetic fervor like you’ve never been hurt before. You try your hardest to bestow empathy, compassion, and forgiveness upon those who have wronged you because you don’t harbor ill will against anyone. You radiate with positivity despite the demons you battle in your head because you know that you are not your thoughts. You are self-aware and acknowledge that you are a work in progress and forever on a path of self-discovery. You have a hunger and zest for life that is refreshing and contagious.

I apologize for letting other people get in the way of your greatness and your dreams because their dreams were too small. For dimming your light because their light was but a shadow. For stunting your growth because they were lost. For holding you back from your full potential and living your best life because they weren’t ready. For stealing your joy because they were unhappy with themselves. For discounting your emotions and dismissing your feelings because they weren’t emotionally available. For not appreciating you in all your beauty and glory. For not treasuring you for the rare jewel that you are. For not reciprocating the love that you so freely and deeply gave. For making you feel foolish when you were trying to be silly and have fun. For making you question your self-worth. For filling your mind with self-doubt and even hatred towards yourself. For making you feel like you were not enough (good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, fun enough, etc.). For making you feel like you were not whole in and of yourself.

You didn’t deserve any of this, and for that, I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. You didn’t deserve any of this because they didn’t deserve you. But this is the world we live in and these are the lessons life teaches you to prepare you and mold you to be your best self. Take heart because there are people who see beyond the walls you’ve built up to protect the beauty and innocence of your soul. Lean on them for support for they will help you find yourself again.

Some people come into your life because they see in you that which they lack in themselves. And maybe they needed you more at that very point in their lives than you will ever know…to teach them what love is and how deep it can be. So you give and they take. And once they’re done taking, you are left depleted…an unrecognizable shell of your former self, so they give the very love they took from you to someone else. But you are a warrior, a survivor. You are resilient. And you will be reminded again of your greatness and that no one else is more deserving of your love than yourself. So you will fill up once again what so many have taken from you, and you will be whole.

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