The Beginner's Guide To Self Love


Wade Brill

There is no single recipe to mend a broken heart, but it all starts with self-love.

Experiencing a breakup is like getting punched in the stomach. A sense of nausea and heartache floods the body, making you want to take cover, crawl into the fetal position and cry. I remember my heart and soul vanished into thin air… leaving me numb and lifeless inside.

I have had a few heartbreaks, and each one feels unique. However, one common thread is the ‘transformation hangover’—the feeling you left your previous identity behind and are now in search of a new self. During a heart-wrenching break up, the transformational hangover hits hard. You wake up one morning without your partner or your ‘normal’ routine, friends might have shifted, your bed might feel different and being in your own skin doesn’t feel as comfortable. Panic and anxiety cloud your vision, and stability and clarity seem like distant landmarks.

My world felt unstable. Unsure of who I was, what I wanted, and what I valued out of a partner and life, I constantly scanned my environment, searching for some form of comfort. I realized this sensation was normal given I was used to relying on my boyfriend to fill that role. My cellphone became my best friend yet also my worst enemy. I clung to my phone to fill that void, hoping to feel some external support and attention. My hangover caused me to feel insecure. I was free falling, and no one was there to catch me. My mind entered victim mode where I questioned my own inner conviction. I couldn’t think, feel or even be for myself.

It wasn’t until I experienced a few break ups that I learned what my mind and body needed to recovery from my hangover and move on with my life. I was the only one who could catch myself from free falling. I had to stop wallowing in my emotions and start showering myself with self-love. When I spent energy strengthening my inner foundation, I was able to knock my victim-thinking to the curb and start to consciously create my life. When you know who you are and feel strong from the inside out, you feel unstoppable. You have fostered love for yourself and your own life. The need for external feedback vanishes because you have the vision and passion to live your own meaningful and abundant life. I no longer needed to feel loved and comforted by the world around me because I fostered my own internal affection and stability.

Follow this recipe to cure your transformation hangover. Shower yourself with self-love and you will re-ignite the light and fire that is still burning inside of you. Learn how to land flat on your feet and shine brighter than ever before.

• Breathe and release.

Find mindful moments in your day to breathe deeply and acknowledge what you are feeling and thinking. Breakups are a painful time and an opportunity for you to release your energy and clouded thoughts. Allow yourself to cry, and breathe in your emotions, then let them go. Understand that your emotions do not define you, but pass through you like the wind.

• Surround yourself with love.

Organize your schedule so that you can spend time around people, activities and environments that make you feel good. Discover what makes you smile and do these activities at least once every day. Bring joy and fulfillment back into your life with purpose.

• Express yourself.

Make sure you are expressing yourself by journaling, talking to someone, painting, making music or dancing—find ways to let your creative juices flow. Using creativity to direct your energy is a perfect way to make you feel productive during a time when you might not feel inspired.

• Sweat it out.

Exercise is the perfect way to stimulate natural endorphins in your body and get the blood flowing. Use this time as an opportunity to try fun new exercise classes or create an inspiring playlist and go for a run. Get yourself moving and sweating. It’s like taking an automatic happy pill!

• Be kind to yourself.

You are in a transition period. It can be tough to know what to do next since everything feels new. Trust yourself that you can do no wrong. Don’t allow those inner critic voices to put you down. Fill your mind with positive thoughts that help foster that sense of inner love and appreciation.

Follow this recipe to mend your heart. Over time, you will feel a deeper sense of love for yourself and your life. Give your self some lovin’, and you will become unstoppable.

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