Dating someone who is emotionally unavailable feels like climbing level 20 on the stair master. It’s exhausting. You can’t make someone be emotionally available, no matter how good you are to them. When you attempt to date someone who’s emotionally unavailable, you find yourself repeatedly struggling with the same problems over and over again.
However, emotionally unavailable people can actually be quite charming, which makes it hard to initially avoid them altogether. So what signs should you look for in order to know if someone’s emotionally unavailable? Below are some of the common ones that will tip you off.
They’re quick to make it physical.
According to Psychology Today, emotionally unavailable people are quick to seduce earlier on. “Seducers avoid authenticity, because they don’t believe they’re enough to keep a partner.”
They’re searching for perfection.
Anything from the way you chew your food to how early you arrive for the airport will be enough for this person to end the relationship. They’re looking for any flaw to cling to so they can end it. This helps them avoid having to get to the deep part of a relationship.
Their conversations are surface level.
Every conversation is fun and light, and while that might seem easy, it also shows emotional unavailability. If they can’t dig into the deep stuff with you and share their emotions, they’re not ready for commitment.
They’re open about it.
Some people will outright tell you “I’m not good at relationships.” Like Maya Angelou said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If they’re telling you that relationships aren’t their thing, that’s the clearest sign you’ll get.
They’re all about them.
Do they only ask to hang out when it’s convenient for them? Plans, conversations, and priorities are all about them. If they lack compromise, they’ll be unable to provide you the partnership you’re looking for.