The Dreams And Realities of New Year's Resolutions



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Photo By Meghan Holmes On Unsplash


By Olivia Lucero



The New Year is seen as a fresh start, a chance to grow, an opportunity to start over and work towards a goal. Unfortunately, though, those goals are abandoned by February and the fresh start we all waited for comes and goes as our old habits kick in and our subconscious goes into overdrive. Sound familiar?

It's good to dream, it's good to want more for yourself, and it's certainly good to set goals. Self-improvement is self care. But the harsh reality is that unless you are setting your goals correctly, and working towards them consistently, it may be better to not set any goals at all. A better thing to do would be to practice gratitude and come to enjoy where you are, which is also a form of self care and self-love. When we fall short of our goals it can be very discouraging and cause us to engage in negative self-talk, which is detrimental to our mental health and prevents growth and transformation. In order to avoid this, it is important to understand why there is a difference between what we expect to happen and what actually happens when we set New Year’s resolutions so that we can be better prepared when it comes time to plan for the coming year!

What we expect to happen: lose weight.

What actually happens: loss of motivation after realizing how much work it takes.

What we expect to happen: save money.

What actually happens: inability to turn down dinner with friends and morning lattes.

What we expect to happen: wake up at 6 a.m. every day.

What actually happens: snooze until 7:30.

Why are we unable to stick to goals like this? Well, there are a couple of reasons.

1. We have not properly reflected on the previous year.

Please refer to our article "How to Conduct A Self Care Year in Review" to learn how to reflect on the previous year before setting goals for the new one. Without reflecting in some way, you won’t know what helped you grow and what caused your stagnancy. It is so important to reflect and review your behaviors and your lifestyle before you try to adjust it so that you already know what works for you and what doesn’t, what you need more of and what you need less of. Reflection is a necessary step for transformation.

2. We are not setting goals the right way.

We wish goal setting was as easy as saying “I will lose weight” but this goal will not get you anywhere without a plan. In order to see a goal through it needs to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. It needs to be a SMART goal. Be specific about how to lose weight and how much weight you want to lose, stick to certain schedules so that you know how often to work out, and how much weight you need to lose in a certain time frame. Be realistic though. Start with small goals, and when you know how much you are capable of, push yourself even further. That way, you don’t get discouraged because you don’t meet impossible goals.

3. We are scientifically engineered to choose the easy way out.

Old habits die hard. Very, ridiculously, hard. That’s because when the brain gets certain stimuli, such as a message from the belly saying “feed me,” there is already an ingrained response, “let’s eat,” that is constantly reinforced. The response takes a pathway, one that our brain paved long ago, every time we respond to this message. So, something called myelin sheath is created around our nerve cells to make the pathway faster and easier for the response. When responses like this are suddenly challenged by a different response, like, “no, let’s stick to our diet,” the brain has to make a brand new pathway, which the brain doesn’t want to do.

The brain likes to be the boss. The brain likes to stick to old patterns and old habits because they are more efficient than new patterns and new habits so it will automatically default to wanting to take the old pathway every single time. But new pathways CAN be created, they can be reinforced, and eventually, they can be the default for the brain. But they take time. Be patient and know that at the beginning you will need to work very hard to be the boss of your brain, but it will learn to listen to you as long as you are stern and persistent about always taking the new pathway, even when every other neuron is telling you to take the easy way out. This is the only way you will build new and healthier habits that you can stick to.

You can restructure your brain if you try hard enough, but consistency is non-negotiable. You cannot reach goals and break bad habits unless you are consistent from the very beginning. They say it takes 21 days to build a new habit. If you fail once, you start over.

I hope you feel empowered now to make the most of the New Year! Set goals the right way and show your brain who is boss. I can’t wait for you to reflect and transform your beautiful self.

writer photo

Olivia Lucero

Olivia is new to the Mend team but no stranger to heartbreak science. She studied romantic relationships and personal development for four years at The University of Texas at Austin. A true free spirit, she recently returned to America after farming in Ireland for a few months. Find her at her blog, Free Reins.

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