The One Question You Should Ask Yourself Every Day After a Breakup


Wade Brill

Why is it that, on a daily basis, we hear ourselves say countless negative thoughts and hurtful words to ourselves? Life, especially after a breakup, can be hard enough without the self-imposed pressure and internal commentary we pile on top of it all. Our self-talk can be debilitating. We are often our biggest enemy when we should really be our best friend and biggest supporter.  

During a breakup of any nature—intimate relationship, friendship or a job breakup—change occurs and our sense of identity and the choices we make are questioned and challenged. That’s only natural. But, we have the power to decide whether we treat ourselves kindly or critically through those changes.

I have personally battled many moments of negative self-talk that affected my energy and level of motivation and engagement. During these moments of instability, I realized that my inner dialogue was very critical: how could you have done that? what were you thinking? you are not pretty enough; you are not thin enough; you are so stupid; no one will ever love you; you are worthless.

How much better would it have been to send myself love and hear: I am loved; I am where I should be; I am strong; I am alive; I am breathing. How much more productive and motivated would you be if you did the same? How much happier and more content would you feel? How much more energy would you have?

The next time you catch yourself feeling down, check in with yourself and ask this question: How can I speak to myself with more love?

You can use the anchoring power of your breath and your words to construct your own self-loving mantra that will give you a boost of tenderness and intention. Start by choosing an empowering word that gives you strength – you will think of this word as you inhale, so this is something you’d like to bring into the moment. Think of words such as confidence, love, comfort. Then, select another word that does not serve you – you will think of this word when you exhale, so this is something you’d like to release. For instance, fear, negativity, loneliness.

Then create your own mantra linked to your breath, like this:

I breathe in confidence and I breathe out fear.

I breathe in love and I breathe out negativity.

I breathe in comfort and I breathe out loneliness.

Say your mantras to yourself throughout the day to consciously turn your negative and hurtful thoughts into ones of love. Release any stale air that is holding you back from fueling and loving the present moment.

When you can truly love yourself from the inside out, you will feel invincible. So let your breath and word choices be a vehicle for spreading love throughout your body and into the world around you. Your energy will increase; your heart will shine brightly, and you will be able to find happiness in even difficult moments.

I truly, warmly welcome you to try it.

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