What To Do When You Doubt Whether It's Really Over


Anna Bashedly

This time it’s different. Yeah, you’ve said that before. But you’ve finally reached your breaking point. That’s the difference. Something happened that has made you say: screw ‘em and all their darkness. I can’t do this anymore. My happiness will no longer be destroyed.

It’s like something shifted in your heart and you just know, with every fiber of your being, that this is the end. You’re sad - but surprisingly you’re mostly relieved. You know that you can’t keep wanting something that you aren’t getting, and most likely will never get. You know that you can’t keep breaking yourself for this relationship.

So you breakup. And you live. You start to move on with your life. You keep yourself busy. At first it’s all pretty exciting. It’s kinda amazing, actually. You’re finally living your life for you. The single life. No drama. No bullshit. No fights. No sleepless nights wondering what they are doing and with who. No one lifting you up only to destroy you two days later. No tear stained pillow cases from unanswered texts and calls. No depression and anxiety from feeling the person you love with all your heart stop choosing you, abandoning you.

No. Instead there are new romances with no pain. It’s all exciting. Light. Wow, you think to yourself, so relationships can be fun and easy... For the first time in a long time, you feel free. There’s no one pulling on your heart-strings, sucking your emotions dry. You feel like breaking up for good was the best decision you’ve ever made in your life.

Until it ebbs.

The new person you’re dating is beautiful, amazing. But something is off. You can’t really put your finger on it. All you know is the feeling is not the same. Ironically, you did everything to run away from your ex but somehow all the decisions you’ve made brought you right back to them. And you’re right there where you’ve started. Missing them like crazy, wondering if anyone else could have ever compare to (fill in the blank with your person). Wondering if anyone could give you the feeling that they gave you.

But most of all, the breakup will hit you the most when you’re sharing a moment with a new person, and everything is perfect, but all you can think about is them.

The truth about starting over is that breaking up and moving on is the easy part. It’s staying moved on that will be difficult. It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. Numbers will be blocked. Pictures will be deleted. And while they may not exist in the world of social media, they’ll live within your heart. And that is the truth you have to face.

For a moment there, you’ll forget about all the pain they caused you. You’ll forget about the sleepless nights and shouting matches until you had no energy left. All you’ll think about is how your soul was alive and how they looked at you and saw all of you. All you’ll think about is taking them back, giving it just one more chance.

But here’s also the reality of starting over. You’re doing it for a reason. You’re doing it because, deep down, you know you fought for it with everything you had, but it just wasn’t working. You tried everything. You know that there is no logical solution to working out your differences. And you know that in the long run, if you want to be happy, you have to let go.

The truth about starting over is that it is the best thing you will ever do. But it will also be the hardest thing. You will ebb and flow between missing them so much that your whole body aches and feeling completely fine. But you have to remain strong. You can forgive, but you can never forget. Because when someone makes you fall out of love with yourself once, they will always, always do it again. So when you come to the place of missing them, of wanting to give them another chance, remember that. Remember all the pain, frustration, and anger. Remember what they put you through. Remember how they always put themselves first, and that they always will.

The truth is you're going to be more than okay - there is so much light and happiness ahead if you choose to let go, and fall back in love with yourself.

You broke up for a reason. Trust yourself and trust that. Trust that everything is going to be okay. And trust me when I say that, this is the best thing you ever did for yourself. Just give yourself time. Give yourself patience, and most importantly, give yourself love - there is no one holding you back now. You now have a chance to be happier than you have ever been before, but it's up to you to see that.

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