It has been 11 months since I wrote this.
I was devastated by sadness and loss and couldn’t see how or why it had happened to me.
For the first 3 months, I burned candles constantly knowing that when they burned out, I might feel a bit better because more time had passed. I spent what little money I had on new sexy underwear, new comfortable jeans, new stylish shoes. I figured that even though I felt horrible, I might as well try to look good and feel good. It worked.
For the next 3 months, I lit the candles every morning and extinguished them every evening, knowing that I was already better and didn’t need them burning continually.
The anger towards my ex eventually subsided and evolved into pity, where it remains today.
The 3 months after that found me moving to a new state and starting a new life, with no need for candles. I love my new apartment, my new neighbours, my new city, and my new job. It doesn’t just feel new, it feels right.
It will be exactly 12 months after my partner of 12 years told me that he didn’t love me any more that I will have a date with a very interesting guy who just might be interested in me. In these 12 months, I’ve already had a fun fling and an unexpected love affair , so I’m ready for something that could be a bit more.
Whether or not I date this new interesting man doesn’t matter as much as the fact that there are more men in the world that I will meet. I might date them, I might marry them, or I might do neither, but it shows that I have not given up on love. I will no longer allow the fact that I once loved someone that stopped loving me to affect my self-worth.
Last week, I went to my lawyer’s office one last time and sat in the waiting room remembering my frantic state during that first visit months ago. A nervous woman sat down across from me, clearly distraught and scared, exactly how I had once felt myself. I rose slowly, gathering my papers to take to my lawyer’s office, and paused at the woman’s chair. ‘It gets better’, I said. ‘I promise. I’m finally me again and happy. You’ll be you again too, and it will feel fabulous.’ She whispered her thanks as I followed my lawyer back to her office and signed off on the end of a chapter and started my new life.