9 Ways You Love Differently After Having Your Heart Broken



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By Ashley Duvan



You’ve felt the soul-wrenching, stomach-twisting, mind-flooding pain of a heartbreak before. It comes at you like a speeding truck on the highway, and the breakup feels like a limb amputation.

The heartbreak changes you; it ruptures your heart into shambles that disperse in every direction. Over time, you begin to collect the shards to mend your heart back together, but it will never look as pure and untouched as it did before.

And that’s okay. But, now - now you love in a different way. And that’s okay too:

1. You are more realistic when it comes to choosing a partner.

You know the pain that comes with two people dividing their lives - either civilly, or uncivilly - and this time around, you’d like to avoid making the same mistake twice. For whatever reason it was that caused your last breakup, you want to steer clear of that same problem again.

2. You notice warning signs that you were once blind to.

If a similar behavior or quality from your previous love arises early on with your new love - you notice it, and you don’t ignore it. Every heartbreak has a different story and a different journey: you don’t want to repeat your last one again.

3. You may take a little longer to fall in love this time.

Some people believe in love at first sight, and some don’t. If you have fallen in love at first sight before, it may be at second sight this time around.

4. You are slightly more cautious about opening your heart.

A wounded heart will take a little more coaxing to drop every one of those walls down again. It could make you come off as cold or tough in the beginning, but this just makes you strong and smart. Your heart is a beloved piece of you; there’s no reason to give it away at the drop of a dime.

5. You may be cynical about certain things.

You may think that because your last love ended, this one will too. I won’t sit here and preach that this one will be different, because it may not be: you could end up broken hearted again. And if you do, you will learn something new from your new heartbreak.

6. Some things will always be off-limits.

Did your ex have a special name for you? Or did you two go to the same restaurant every week? Or did you have “a song” together? These things will always belong to you two, and sharing those, or letting a new love take over those, is something that will never happen.

7. And there are others where you will give a little.

There will be a point after a breakup where everything was “yours” and everything will remind you of the ex. There will come a time when you will make new memories in these places, and only the select few, very special things will be kept separate.

8. Your heart will mold into a new shape and size.

Anyone who withstands a heartbreak and comes back from it is a survivor. You will be stronger, you will be braver, and you will be more sensitive. All of these things will make you grow and evolve for your next love.

9. You will learn that no two loves are the same... ever.

And that’s what makes falling in love so special. It can’t be replicated.

Anyone who has felt the body aches and the sleepless nights from a heartbreak also knows the other side of the puzzle piece. Anyone who has the ability to feel pain that deeply also has the ability to love that deeply.

And if you have the ability to love that much, you won’t let that go to waste. You will let someone in; you will open your heart. And when you do love again, it will be big.

writer photo

Ashley Duvan

I'm a thoroughbred New Yorker who would rather live out of a backpack than an apartment. Some people think I'm bonkers, but I just think I'm free.

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