I love you so much.
I spent what feels like a lifetime with you. You will always be more than just a blip on the radar that is my life. I don’t actually remember life before you. But as hard as it is to say goodbye, I know deep deep down that it’s for the best. I should’ve never had to beg you to say you loved me and I shouldn’t have only dreamt about magical dates and adventures because I deserved them. I deserved them then and I deserve them now.
I’m sorry for hurting you because the moment I walked away you realized what you were losing. I’m sorry that you can’t see the light at the end of your tunnel yet but I made this decision for me and me, alone. Through our relationship I suffered enough looking for the love and affection I deserve. You had all the time in the world to show me this and you can’t come back now that I have made such a difficult decision. I don’t deserve that. I deserved my own fairytale and passion and I still deserve it now more than ever.
Please don’t contact me and make this any harder than it already is. Leave me. Leave me and let me have my chance at happiness. Leave me and let me find something that I always knew I deserved deep down inside. My heart might be broken and weak, but my inner voice? She is shinning through. She is screaming at me to put one foot in front of the other and allow amazing things to come my way. She knows how much I’m hurting and she knows all about the roller coaster I am on right now and that I can’t get off, but she also knows I’m going to make it. She is being strong for me when I can’t be. She knows you had your chance and my heart gave you every opportunity to grab it and make it better when it was bad but you didn’t.
Even if I allowed you back in my life she would know that it isn’t right and I can’t do that to her. She carries all my scars and stories and she knows all that I am worth and I can never let her down. I won’t let her down.
So when the next wave of painful emotions comes crashing down I’m going to be there with her and we are going to get back up and put one foot in front of the other, bringing us closer to where my happiness lies. She can see it, and I won’t let her down.